Saturday, March 25, 2006

Peace Symbols

Detoxing feels like all my festering problems are surfacing to be released. I've been sick as a dog the last couple weeks. I just kept telling myself that I was detoxing from the toxic lifestyle I'd been living. I knew it was temporary and necessary for cleansing. Then I'd forget and throw a pity party. Then I'd remember again.

If I could change the clocks, I would have scheduled these diet changes gradually, not overnight like I did. But I do cheat here and there when I go out, like yesterday. Cheryl and I went to Cedar Hill to have a picnic and hike the trail. We brought everything I wasn't supposed to eat. Croissants, chicken salad, spinach dip, bagel crackers, and doughnuts. You would think I'd have pigged out, but for some reason, none of it tasted good. I ate one bagel cracker with a dab of spinach dip, a croissant with chicken salad, and half a doughnut. Several weeks ago I would have finished off everything, adding a second doughnut. But in the end, I just wanted a mango.

These birds are driving me crazy today. Just had to get that out.

I have a vision of a large aviary, garage sized, full of doves. It's a dove rescue aviary. I know people who have let their pet doves go free, and they are found in trees just sitting there for days. Eventually the hawks get them because they do not fly very well. They need a safe haven and to know that they are beautiful symbols of peace. The world needs to remember peace.

I have a quiet week next week. All of it is my time, my schedule, my flow. Whether it manifests as peaceful remains to be seen. But Friday is a spa day at Cedar Hill. Massage, lunch, the grounds, the works. What a beautiful ending to a week that hasn't begun.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The cutest video I never shot

I'd never seen how baby birds were fed by their parents until Miracle was born.The whole process of the hatching, feeding, grooming, and watching Miracle attempt to fly was all a new experience, and it was the most amazing thing I've seen yet! One day, however, Miracle was not hungry. CJ, the daddy, had already filled himself up with food for Miracle and was beginning to make those regurgitating motions. CJ cornered Miracle to poke his beak at the baby so he could get rid of the excess food and find some much-needed relief, but Miracle wasn't interested. CJ was getting desperate, too. He would fly around a bit, then return to Miracle and poke at his beak only to have Miracle turn his head away, like he was saying, "Not now, Daddy. I don't want to eat. Yucky yucky, get away." Then CJ would fly away and try again a minute later. After about 30 minutes of this torture, CJ gave up and was forced to wait until all the food was digested inside his own body. He was not happy with Miracle's babyish behavior, but Miracle didn't care. He just continued with whatever he was doing.

Now Miracle is eating on his own, and he and CJ are best buddies. They hang out all day together while DJ, the mama, laid two more eggs which I threw out my window this morning. I really don't want six doves. Four is enough for now. DJ and Miracle, although they tolerate each other, aren't buddies at all. Miracle is beginning to let DJ know who's boss by claiming his turf. He's also tried taking on Angel, but I always end up rescuing Miracle from Angel, who sees him as a threat! Ahh the drama of having birds. It's a sweet, sweet drama, too. Better than TV!

Recently a friend loaned me a camera for a couple days, so here is the latest picture I have of Miracle and CJ.

Onto other things...

Last week, I took two major steps in slowing the MS progression. I found a physical therapist who also does acupuncture. Bingo! I saw her last week for our first visit, where she showed me some initial exercises to do daily, and then she did acupuncture. That was strange but very relaxing. The next day I went to Cedar Hill for a workshop by Norman Sheely, MD, who spoke about alternative approaches to diseases. He did a book signing afterward. During the Q&A, I asked his suggestions for treating MS. He told me everything I am already doing! I know I am on the right track!

The workshop was at night, so my friend Cheryl and I stayed the night at Cedar Hill. Nothing is more wonderful than waking up in the morning at Cedar Hill! We went for a hike in the woods, walked the labyrinth a couple times, meditated in the Sister's Chapel, and visited the library. While Cheryl was in the library, I went for a solitary hike in the woods where I settled near the babbling brook. I wasn't there very long, but I remember I just cried and cried. I guess I needed the release, and what better place to do it than at Cedar Hill?

Then we went home and I immediately felt the heaviness of the energies that surround me in this urban jungle I live in. The contrast never ceases to amaze me.

The day after returning home, I made some carrot soup from scratch. It's a wonderful recipe and one of my favorites. It is ultra nutricious with carrots, sweet potatoes, and Granny Smith apples. It's just delicious! But a few minutes after I ate it, I felt horrible. No nausea, but I suddenly had a 100 degree fever, chills, clammy, sensitive skin, aches everywhere, and fatigue. I rarely get sick. This was odd! I was fine the next day, but I am beginning to believe that this new diet and lifestyle change is detoxing my entire system. I ate more carrot soup yesterday (from the same batch) and had no ill effects. Go figure. I am detoxing!!!

Friday, March 03, 2006

MS is a great excuse for putting myself first.

I never quite understood how important it was to put myself first. I've mostly played the martyr (except for those pesky teenage years), and I've felt that putting myself first was a bit selfish. Oh sure, I KNOW that it's not selfish, but the knowingness has been in my head, not in my heart. I have tried and tried to put myself first before, and I have succeeded here and there, but I could never get that it's more healthy than selfish to do so. Now I am in a position where it is vital to do so. God knew that it would take something like MS for me to truly understand the importance of putting myself first.

Now that I know, however, it just kills me to see how much of my life has been spent on putting others' needs before my own. I look around and realize it has gotten me nowhere! People can meet their own needs. They can! And I'm learning that I can too! Of course we all need friends and support and help at times, but I'm through being the first volunteer for every request or demand that comes my way. I don't care at this point if I lose friends because then I will know which ones were just using me. Good, quality friendships take time and nurturing and compromise, and I am only willing to invest in friends who are also willing to invest.

I want the people in my life to ask how I am doing and really care about the answer.

I have a few good friends who do care, and I am not dissing them, but I am talking about my life pattern and how it had to take an MS diagnosis for me to break that pattern once and for all. I have been working on it for the last few years, and thanks to certain friends (you know who you are) I have had plenty of practice recognizing this pattern. But now it's no longer practice. This is the real thing.

MS is a great excuse for putting myself first. Not that I ever needed an excuse. Nobody does. But when those feelings of selfishness start creeping in, I can remind myself that I have a reason now. It's more than a reason, too. It's a necessity.

I called the acupuncture recommended by Cedar Hill, but she's not taking any new patients. She referred me to an acupuncturist who is also near me. I called her, and she sounded so cool. I must have been on the phone with her for 30 minutes! She really took her time with me. She is also a physical therapist, and if I combine both acupuncture and physical therapy in my appointments, Medicare will pay for it! I only have to pay $25 a visit! So I made an appointment for this coming Wednesday and a friend arranged transportation. He is going to the appointment with me, too. Now that is a friend! He was also with me when I got the MS diagnosis. He was so kind and understanding because he really understands how it feels to get a diagnosis like that. He is HIV positive.

There are so many human angels in this world that have no idea they are angels.