Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Violent Family

I have a unique relationship with Karla and her family. I've known them for 14 years. When I lived in Arkansas in 1992, I had exhausted all my resources and found myself homeless, so I called my sister in Woodstock, GA. She immediately invited me to fly to GA and move in with her until I could live on my own again. Within a week, I found an ad in the paper for a live-in nanny for Karla, who was two at the time. I moved in the following day, meeting Darlene (Karla's mother) for the first time. I was there for about a year, then I moved into a personal care home to work with Alzheimer's patients, but I kept in touch with Karla's family. We've had our ups and downs, but recently Darlene offered to help me with my MS. She is a Reiki Master and has powerful intuitive abilities. She also works at a health food store, where I get the supplements she suggests. She is doing this for me on a weekly basis at no cost. Needless to say, we are friends once again, and the connection is still there, stronger than ever. I never thought that was possible. I am so thrilled!!!

Darlene's ex-husband died about 4 years ago. His name was Jim Brice, who was at the forefront of the mental health consumer movement at the time. I helped him open Georgia's first drop-in center for mental health consumers. We were great friends, and I introduced him to Darlene. They fell in love and got married shortly afterward. I even went to their weddings -- and I don't do weddings! They had a son (born at home) named Alex. He's 8 years old now (I think). He looks just like Jim, and he's a great kid!

So the family consists of Darlene, Karla, and Alex. There's also Kenny, who I met recently, and he and Karla have a very interesting relationship. They are very close friends. This video shows the day I got my first Reiki session with Darlene. I hope you enjoy it even though violence is the theme. They really aren't violent, but I couldn't resist making this video.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Go Taylor Hicks!

Go Taylor! I know he's going to win American Idol, and I am going to win a Red Lobster dinner! Both he and Katherine had a bad night last night, I thought, but Taylor still pulled it off. Unfortunately, Katherine bombed. It would have been better if she had sung "Over the Rainbow" much earlier in the season, but she had just sung it last week! And again last night! It was good, of course, but it was really her only "memorable" song of the season. I don't think she should be standing in the top two. Chris should be there! I'm glad Taylor is there, though. Only a few hours before the red carpet show, then the elimination show begins! Sorry to bore you non-American Idol fans, but I had to say my piece, and there you have it. American Idol will be over after tonight! Eeeeek! Whatever shall I do on Tuesday and Wednesday nights? Maybe some of the things I've been procrastinating.

I decided today that I would get some things done. Laundry was one of them. I just got back from the laundry room. It is not a good day to do laundry. The three working washers are being used, and there's a long line for when they finish.

That's kind of been my day today. Earlier I decided to take the birds out on the porch for some fresh air and sunlight, right? Nope. Just as I got my birds settled in their cage and out on the porch, the maintenance crew decided to wash down the porch. They were using these loud machines, and they had a yellow caution strip by the door. It looked like a crime scene. So I took my birds back home.

So I thought it was time to write in my blog. Not a whole lot is happening right now, which is wonderful! I feel so free! I wake up in the morning and nothing is pulling at me. No appointments unless I am the one making them. Tomorrow I am going to Karla's where her mom will do Reiki on me. She has always been a wealth of information when it comes to nutrition and holistic medicine. She and Karla both work at the health food store, and Karla is becoming just like her mother in that area. I learn so much from both of them. So tomorrow will be a fun day!

Speaking of nutrition, I just got a new book the other day, and I can't put it down! It's 20 years old but way ahead of its time. It's called "Fit for Life" by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond. (Read the reviews at Amazon!) It's mostly about eating high-water content foods (like fruits and veggies) and proper food combining. Wow - did you know that raw, ground sesame seeds have more calcium than any other food? Anyway, the book says to eat fruits or fruit juice until noon. Always eat fruits by themselves and on an empty stomach. Use proper food combining throughout the day until 8pm, and stop eating after 8pm. The book explains so much about the body's cycles and how it digests food. The book teaches how efficient your body really is, especially when you treat it right. I am so inspired to work this program and make it a lifestyle. When a book makes you think logically and use common sense, it's a winner. I highly recommend this book (I got it for a penny plus shipping at

I will be uploading another aquarium video soon. There are some strange looking creatures in our world. Strange but remarkably beautiful.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Georgia Aquarium

One of the greatest perks of living here is having the largest aquarium in the world (besides the ocean) in my own backyard. I walk there often, usually in the late afternoon when nobody is there. I have a season pass, so I can go as often as I like, and I do go often! Now that I have a new video camera, you can count on aquarium videos here! This is my first one. I hope you like it!

It's so peaceful to watch how fish live compared to humans. There is no drama or agenda or betrayals. No money or politics or bureaucracy. Fish are just fish, and all they do is be authentic and live peacefully with each other. It's a world that we haven't learned too much from, at least not now. But they are wonderful reminders of how we could live if we wanted to.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there in cyberspace and in my own backyard. This is a special Mother's Day for me this year. My mother called me a couple weeks ago. It was the first I'd heard from her since I told her I was diagnosed with MS. I thought she had disowned me, and I wrote her that in an email. I think that's why she called but she said it wasn't. Then she apologized for putting me though that. She assured me it wasn't intentional, and I believe her, but she kept apologizing anyway. It felt good. She's never apologized before, and her apologies went so much deeper than about her not contacting me after the diagnosis. She is dissociative like me, so I can imagine her reading my email then immediately blocking it out. That's just her. This conversation was special, unlike any we'd ever had. I felt like the newborn in me bonded for the first time ever with her mother. I also realized I am my own best mother, and I am a damn good one (to my surprise). If it weren't for my diagnosis, I would never had known that about myself. But I am a 24/7 mom, which is impossible for anyone else but me.

My mom and I talked a lot about motherhood. We talked about a lot of things. I saw her in a different way that day. I saw her as a person, a peer. Not as a woman who should be this or that way because she carries the role of "mother." She is just another person trying to survive in this heavy, intense, and often painful world. The truth is, my mother has been through more than I can even imagine. She is a strong woman, and she has held it together through everything. The compassion I feel for her is unlike anything I'd felt for her before. I admire her as a woman even more than a mother. I admire myself as a mother! So happy Mother's Day to us both!

After our talk, I cried for two days straight. I know it was all my inner children who have been looking for a mother their entire lives. And they were crying of relief that their mother is always there now. Always. They are safe. They are me, and I am trustworthy, capable, and responsible. This was among the most healing times of my life.

When I sat down to write, I had no idea what I'd be writing about. This just poured out. I hope everyone reading this will remember and recognize their mother within. Everyone has inner children who are still crying over their boo boo's.

I have many external mothers, too. My mom had 11 brothers and sisters, mostly sisters, and they have all played surrogate mom to me throughout my life. Big shout out to Robin, who is one of the strongest mothers I know. And Donna Manning, who knows what it really means to mother birds. My friend Ellis in MN who just had twins - KUDOS! I can't wait to see them in July! And my best friend Jodie in MN, as well as my sister Jody are wonderful mothers!!! As far as I am concerned, if you take care of yourself, you are a mother!

Oooh I have so much more to say, but I think I will go ahead and close for now. I will be uploading a new video I shot at the Georgia Aquarium! I think it may be my best yet. So if you haven't been to the largest aquarium in the world, you'll want to stay tuned!


Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A Day with Karla

Karla is my goddaughter. Not officially, but we both know that I am always here for her. I was her full time nanny when she was 2. Now she's 16 but acts 22. I love hanging out with her. We like doing the simplest things together. Going to Wal-Mart is a must. We also hit Value Village, restaurants, and the health food store where she works. This girl knows more about nutrition than anyone I know. I am so proud of her! I went to see her last week, and took loads of videos. Then I broke my camera AGAIN! But I did not hesitate to find the exact camera on eBay for only $75.00! There something really cool about buying something that used to be expensive until their new model comes along. The camera is great, plus I have all the accessories. So now I am just waiting for it to arrive. Meanwhile, here is a video of our day together.

The dove in the video is Karla's. Karla has always had doves since she was 8 years old. She actually gave me Angel ten years ago! She also gave me CJ and DJ, so in a way, she gave me Miracle! I just know that I probably would have never known the rewards of having doves if it weren't for Karla.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Watching the Fights

I feel like one of those new mothers who can't get enough video footage to show everyone they know. But this one is priceless. Really! It shows Miracle (and later, Angel) watching the pigeons fight outside the window. This is a typical morning scene. Please forgive the low quality of the video, but enjoy it anyway!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Void

I wish I had something wonderful and exciting to write, but I don't. I am in a Void. This is freedom like I've never had before. I have friends, but I notice that I can't spend too much time with any one of them. I'm a loner. I've always been a loner at heart, and now I can embrace that side of myself rather than feel guilty for "isolating." I hate that word! It was used often when I was in the mental health system, especially when I was in hospitals. I remember one hospital where I had to share a room with eight women. The room was built for four. The staff would lock the door during the day so none of us could "isolate" alone in that room. They'd rather us be bored to tears in the day room. Anyway, I used to hide under the bed until they locked the door, then I would have the luxury of alone time for hours and hours, until they noticed I was missing.

There's nothing like a mental hospital to drive you insane.

But I digress. I am a loner. And that is OK! It doesn't need to be labeled. It doesn't need to be fixed. I've been this way since birth, ok???

So my social time is limited by choice. Sometimes I don't answer the phone. I rarely answer the door unless it's a package being delivered. So the fact that people have been leaving my life is only a reflection of what I wanted all along. I don't have anyone breathing down my neck to go do something. My time is my own and I am SO SELFISH with it! Finally!!! Meanwhile, the friends I do have already know this about me, and they respect and honor it. Those are true friends. I only have a handful, but that is more than enough.

So what am I doing with all this free time? I should be changing the world or something. But luckily I stopped "shoulding" on myself a long time ago. No, I'm not spending my time changing anything, not even myself. I am who I am! Oooh I just noticed a gray hair. Eeeeeek!

The friend who accused me of stealing from her has never contacted me. I am not counting on that - ever. I'm just glad she ended the friendship while it was still new. Another friend of eight years ended our friendship the same day. Can you believe that? Then I ended another friendship a few days ago. This person would not stop calling me, even after I told her I needed space. Good riddance to all of these people! My BEST friend lives in Minnesota, and she and I already know we have to limit our time together. She calls maybe once a month, but she is someone I would always answer the phone for. In fact, I will be flying out to visit her in July! Booked my flight today! I have another friend in Minnesota who just gave birth to twins. Minnesota Twins! (Sorry, I just had to throw that in)

So, I guess long distance relationships work best for me. I do have a friend who lives in my building but he is highly respectful of my space (after I trained him). I wonder how many other loners are out there who feel guilty about it? Are YOU one of those people? If so, please know that I understand. I've never had anyone tell me that before, not when it comes to alone time.

I tend to attract people who drain me. That chapter in my life is officially over. My radar is way too sensitive to those energy vampires now.

So now what? Void...whatever happens happens. I have no agenda anymore. I just am who I am, and now I am enjoying being me.

Oooooh American Idol is on tonight! Go Taylor Hicks! Or Chris! Or Paris! I like them all this season, but I am predicting that Taylor is going to win. I have a bet going with my Minnesota friend, Jodie. She says Chris will win (and he should, to be honest). The loser has to treat the winner to a Red Lobster feast when I come out there in July. If Chris wins, I will be happy anyway because then I'll know that American Idol is more about talent than having a huge fan base. That's not to say Taylor isn't talented! I love that guy! But Chris is technically better than anyone, and that seems so obvious to me.

One day I will give up all my addictions. TV is one of them. The computer is another. I wonder what life would be like addiction-free. Is anyone reading this 100% free of addictions? I seriously doubt it, but anything is possible!

Okay, the rambling is over. I actually had a lot to say, but my mind went blank when I started to write. Oh well. It's all part of being in the Void. :o)