Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Dark Side of Human Nature

In my post "Mental illness vs. Terrorist" I wrote that Cho didn't need anybody and he never did. I regret writing that. I didn't mean it. I was angry and sad and full of hate for this killer. I couldn't make him human in my mind because then I might care about him along with the people he murdered. But he was human. He was dark in his thinking. He was depressed. He was suicidal. He was desperate.

When I was much younger I had incredible rage inside of me. I had my own hit list. I was dark in my thinking and suicidal and desperate. I was also incredibly fortunate. I was able to reach out. I had friends and family and hope. God knows where I would be now without the support of the human angels who appeared to me seemingly out of nowhere during my worst nightmares.

The horrific massacre at VT was not about mental illness. It was about human nature and the darkness that resides in each and every one of us. Of course we want to deny that darkness. Most of us succeed in that denial until something overwhelms us to the point of either imploding or exploding. The darkness gets expressed in one way or another. Sometimes creatively, sometimes not.

A large group of people in the YouTube community are commonly called "haters." They write horrible, flaming comments on even the most benign videos. There are thousands of these haters. At first I couldn't understand why they would want to hurt strangers just for the sake of hurting them. But someone made a video about them, talking about how they actually represent the general population of people.

People who carry that much anger are all around us, in our neighborhoods, schools, and communities. But when we walk out our front doors to go to the store, for example, we don't see them because the anonymity is gone, unlike the haters on YouTube. Those haters can hate all they want on YouTube or other Internet websites, but they show a different face in their own neighborhoods and towns. It's not okay to hurl hate at any stranger on the street, but it's okay on the Internet, especially since you can easily get away with it.

What really goes on behind closed doors? How much hate and anger exists right before our eyes? How common is this dark side of human nature?

I believe it is much more common than people realize. I believe it is as rampant next door as it is in the headlines and on the Internet. We've just learned to show a different face when necessary, and we've learned to abide by the boundaries of expression. We've learned that talking about such things is taboo. But hate and anger and depression do exist. It's all part of the human experience.

Granted, not everyone commits murder or other horrendous crimes. The difference between those who do and those who don't remains to be seen. I could write an entire post on that topic, but for now, I will end this post with something I read today on Bipolar Blast :

'School violence: threat assessment'

Please consider the following profile of a troubled young adult, based on an actual case history:

1. Talked about suicide for weeks at a time.
2. Reportedly wrote dark poetry about thrusting a dagger in his heart and "draw[ing] blood in showers!"
3. Was described as "indifferent to transpiring events," and having "little to say" for extended periods.
4. Was known to "go crazy," requiring the removal of knives and dangerous items from his room.
5. Used opiates and cocaine.
6. Wandered around with a gun during periods of suicidal ideation.
7. Was fascinated by a woman he was too shy to approach.
8. Was described as being in a "morbid" state.
9. Collapsed while speaking openly of his hopelessness and thoughts of suicide.
10. Was eventually diagnosed with "recurrent major depression."

Who was this risk to society? The answer is Abraham Lincoln .

Source: Joshua Wolf Shenk, Lincoln's Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness (2006)."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Comic Relief

"Ugly Caricatures" is a short video from "Nalts" on YouTube. He is alwats pulling stunts on people and using his kids and his kids' friends to help him. This one had me rolling over!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Virginia Tech (The Best I could do for now)

This is what the creater (Phil) of this video wrote:

"I was very torn about making a video on the subject because the shooter is being glorified. I believe the people that need to be glorified are people like Zach Petkewicz, and others like him, and the ones who were not as lucky. I tried to make a video talking about it, but I broke down each time. I made this instead. I think the worst reaction to this is hate. At this time we need to be about love for those who are now gone and can not speak for themselves, and their families. I wish you all the best. PS. The volume of the music is intentional. In case you say you cant hear what he says. ------------ The song that plays is called "Hide And Seek" by Imogen Heap PS. For people who say the song is used to "joke about the situation. The song was made....not for the OC season finale, not for the SNL Parody of the finale, which made fun of timing and cheesiness of the OC finale... but for meaning. Most people realize this when they listen to the lyrics."

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Mental Illness vs. Terrorist

The aftermath of the Virginia Tech shootings are everywhere. Nothing has received this much media attention since hurricane Katrina. It's very unsettling to see what is being covered, too. It can be summed up with two major issues - mental illness and gun control.

I have something to say about mental illness.

This incident is not about mental illness! If it becomes about that, we just went 20 years back in advocating for the rights of those with mental illness. Cho Seung-Hui is no representation of mental illness. He is a representation of terrorism. He had guns, an elaborate plan, and believed himself to be a martyr. This was a suicide bombing, except that it was carried out by an individual rather than an organization.

So doesn't the fact that Cho was delusional in his beliefs make him "psychotic"? The 911 terrorists believed they would be greeted by virgins after crashing into the Twin Towers. They believed they would be honored as martyrs and that they were saviors to those who had been victimized by Americans. Why aren't they called "psychotic?" Cho's thinking was very dark and evil, and I see no difference in the way terrorists think.

Our need for a scapegoat in the face of tragedy is more apparent in this situation than in any other that I've seen since the Iraqi war. The only one to blame is Cho! But since he's dead, the need for a scapegoat remains. So let's just make one up. How about something really convenient, like the mentally ill?

Oh great. Bring on the stigma. Like we need more.

The more the media makes it about mental illness, the more rights of those with mental illness are jeopardized. Our rights are always in jeopardy as it is. People with mental illness should not have to be the scapegoats of an evil terrorist!

This is the only thing I've read so far that comes close to what I'm saying:

=======================

Mental health professionals are concerned this massacre may imply people to believe mentally ill people are violent when in fact most are not. "It shines a light in a way that only reinforces ignorance and discrimination, and so I'm very concerned about that," David Shern of Mental Health America said.

=======================

Statistically, the population who are considered mentally ill are far less violent than the general population and are far more prone to be victims of violence. This is a known fact.

But when someone who commits a violent crime has also been diagnosed with a mental illness, the media jumps on it. It makes the story more sensational. What about violent criminals who have not been diagnosed with a mental illness? Are they sane? What is mental illness in the face of violence?

Those who hadn't been diagnosed simply had not sought treatment within the mental health system. Those who enter the mental health system get a diagnosis - for insurance purposes if nothing else. And it's so easy to diagnose the average person who walks through those doors. The DSM has everyone covered. It takes so-called "abnormal" human behaviors and places them into categories. If your behaviors fit a specific category, you get a diagnosis, and if it doesn't quite fit a category, there are wastebasket diagnoses to cover it. The term is NOS (Not Otherwise Specified). Getting a diagnosis has nothing to do with being violent, although violent behaviors, just like all "abnormal" behaviors, have their DSM categories, too. The DSM does not discriminate.

The truth is, nobody knows for sure what causes this kind of violence. Theories are abundant, and much damage can come from theory alone.

Much damage has already come from theory alone.

I need to stop watching the news. But I want to understand. I want to cry my eyes out and gain a perspective I can live with. I want to honor the families and light a candle and see the faces of those who died so I know who I'm honoring. I want to hear about the courageous stories. I want to feel hope for those who can't feel it right now. I don't want to hear about Cho's bout with "mental illness" or see his videos or hear his words. The last thing I want to do at this point is see his face and honor his dying wishes all over the media. The current media massacre is simply honoring a man who deserves no such thing.

The families of those who were shot have my heart. The students who are heading back to school on Monday have my compassion. My brother died of a gun accident when he was 35. It was incredibly difficult to process because it seemed like such a senseless tragedy. This was just one man and one gun where no terrorism was involved, and it was one of the toughest times of my life. I can only imagine what the families in Virginia are going through.

What about their mental health? Let's not overshadow their pain and fear and uncertainty with the pain and anger of some evil terrorist! Those students need us now. Cho Seung-Hui doesn't need anybody. He never did.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Molestation Charges against Psychiatrist

This is more common than people realize. I know of numerous patients who were molested by not only psychiatrists, but also psychologists and hospital workers. One girl who spoke out in a state hospital was told she was delusional, then she was put on Haldol, the most powerful of all the antipsychotic drugs. She stopped talking about it. She stopped talking altogether. Other patients who were molested by this same worker never reported it because they feared being put on Haldol.

I had two other friends who were having sex with their therapists and bragged about it. Of course no charges were pressed in those cases.

It has always been taboo to report sexual abuse from mental health workers. Hopefully the taboo ends here.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The Future is the Past Healed

This video was emotional for me to create and I debated on whether or not to post it. The footage isn't from my new camera, but that's not why I hesitated. The subject matter is personal to me, and Beth has a unique way of exposing another person's soul with her questions. Barbara Walters needs to watch out! I also wondered if anyone would get this video. It has elements of "hopping dimensions," which was the reason behind the title. Anyway, here it is. I hope you get something out of it. I know I did.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

TeenScreen Controversy - Minnesota

My friend Jodie lives in Minnesota and has been writing emails to the legislators all week. If it weren't for these emails, and many more from others, this bill would be sneaking through without notice. The only person who is in favor of TeenScreen in this video is the Chairman of the committee. She is also a NAMI board member. Surprise, surprise. She is quick to silence the discussion as much as she can. Just watch for yourselves

Sunday, March 25, 2007

CPS Training Finale

This is the last video of this series. I hope you enjoy it!

Good news -- I got a new camera! It hasn't come in yet, so I don't have it in my hands, but it should be here by the end of the week. Let's hope! No more blurry, low-quality videos! The new camera is a Sony Handycam DCR-SR40. A Sony! Woo hoo! I had to break in a new credit card to buy it (yikes!) but it's no interest for a year. Do you like how I can so easily justify this purchase? Hey, when you want something bad enough, there's no stopping you.

This camera has a 30 gig hard drive, so there are no more memory cards to deal with. I got an extra long-life battery, too. And with an extended warranty, I'm good on parts and labor and total replacement for 5 years. It also has Dolby Surround Sound and an infrared night vision setting. A touch screen menu, too! This thing is hot!

I hope I feel the same way after I get it.

I have one more video I'm making with some recent footage, but after that, it's Sony all the way!

Can you tell I'm excited? Uh, just a little.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Intermission

Here's a short intermission from the CPS Training videos. I snatched this footage from Beth's collection (with her permission, of course).

The final video of the series is the talent show. I'll be posting it within the next couple days. Meanwhile, enjoy "Beautiful Joe". Watch out -- it's some serious stuff!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

CPS Training Part 3

Meet Ike Powell! He talks about beliefs and how they become ingrained in our psyches. The mental health system has a belief system of its own, and Ike talks about why it is just as resistant to change as individuals are.

Going deeper, you can clearly see how people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses have a co-dependent and dysfunctional relationship with the mental health system and vice versa. The two need each other to strengthen the faulty beliefs that are ingrained. They feed off each other without realizing what they are doing. And so you have a situation where both parties are, in a sense, brainwashed into believing something that makes no sense whatsoever. The deprogramming is in its infancy, and it can begin with trainings like this one.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Certified Peer Specialist Training - Part Two

Meet Bob! See more of this incredible class!

Part 3 is coming soon. I'll probably sneak in an intermission, too.

This series is a total blast to produce, btw. I'll be sad when it's over...

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Certified Peer Specialist Training - Part One

I was fortunate last week to not only attend the CPS Training, but to film it. I've wanted to do this for ages but since it's never been filmed, I assumed it wasn't allowed. But all the participants agreed to be filmed, and I got so much footage that this is turning into a mini-documentary!

So many of you have heard about this training from me mentioning it here and there, but I don't think I ever went into any details about it. When I took the training in 2003, it was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. There is a certain type of transformation that occurs during the training -- from believing yourself to be a hopeless mental patient, dependent on the system forever, and having no concept of "recovery," to believing something surprisingly different. This training enlightens you and fosters hope and specific tools to not only help yourself but to help others who are still trapped in the old mindsets. It's like a de-programming process that occurs, and your thinking changes forever.

This video covers the 2nd day of training where the participants were instructed to discuss ways that the system keeps people stuck. Many people have never allowed themselves a discussion like this, but as soon as they realized they were not alone in what they felt, they began to loosen up.

Beth was my teacher back in 2003, and this was her last training. It's sad to see her go. Bob Patterson is the new Project Director, and this training was his first. It's a "passing the torch" training and I am so honored to have been a part of it!

Please stayed tuned for Part 2!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

The Drugging of Our Children


I debated about whether to post this video or not because it is 1hr and 43min long. But because it is so incredibly powerful and informative, I decided it was worth it if even one child is helped by its showing. The video is a full-length, professional documentary, and it describes absolutely everything I have wanted to say for so long but could only say it here and there with small clips and articles. It sums everything up for me and hopefully for anyone else who watches it. Nothing more needs to be said on this subject. Turn off your TVs this evening (unless American Idol is on, lol) and watch this video instead. It is definitely worth your time.

Speaking of American Idol, CAN YOU BELIEVE SUNDANCE HEAD DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE FINAL TWELVE??? I nearly fainted when I saw him leave! He SHOULD have been in the top five at the very least. What an insult to his incredible talent! What an insult to the whole show and its obviously faulty voting system! It reminded me of the shocking night when Jennifer Hudson was voted off after her kick-ass performance the night before. Or when Chris Daughtry was voted off last season. He should have won it all! Well, well, well -- Chris Daughtry AND Jennifer Hudson are now basking in success without the help of American Idol -- and I hope Sundance does the same! Meanwhile, please get rid of that kid (Senjayah?) who should never have made it to Hollywood to begin with! What were Simon, Randy, and Paula thinking? Why are teenage girls with too much voting time on their hands running the show now? Why am I such an addict?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Patient pleads: please stop my shock treatment

If you can get past the sound blips, this is a video worth watching. It breaks my heart to see this. No one deserves to be forced into ECT. Please!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Let Me Live


I went to Milledgeville, GA the other day with a friend, and we visited the cemetary at Central State Hospital. It is an inspiring place to visit because of the memorial that honors all the nameless patients who died there. I first learned about this memorial in 2003 when I took the Certified Peer Specialist training. If you've read my recovery story, you might remember that my training was held at this state hospital, and the thought of it made me call and cancel my training. I didn't think I could handle being anywhere near a state hospital for two weeks, even though I wasn't a patient. But I went, and it turned out to be one of the most inspiring times of my life -- largely because of this memorial. I hope you enjoy the video..

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

TeenScreen is dangerous


Click the picture for the full article and video.

This is why TeenScreen is so dangerous. I don't see anything wrong with suicide prevention programs for teenagers, and I believe it could save lives if the mental health system utilized compassion rather than punishment and drugs toward people who feel suicidal. But even if the mental health system were competent, TeenScreen, from the very beginning, has not been used responsibly. That is just one reason why TeenScreen should be thrown out altogether.

Numerous school boards have already voted against it for their schools, and I hope others follow suit. The petition against TeenScreen has reached 19,792 signatures so far. If you'd like learn more about it and sign the petition, click here

I hope all of you are doing well. I'll post more about what's going on in my life soon. It's all good!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Mentally Ill Inmate Dies Alone


60 Minutes ran a shocking story on Sunday and posted the video online. You can access it by clicking the picture. I have never seen anything like this on TV before, and it falls in line with my recent posts about how people with mental illness are treated every day. This is how we've always been treated, and thanks to technology, the word is finally getting out to the general public. Reports like this cannot be ignored any longer.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

We Made it to the Exhibit

Beth and I made finally it to the exhibit titled "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" on Saturday. Hmmmm... pretty intense - and extreme. Videos were blaring constantly in every corner of the large room. I thought I was "anti-psychiatry," but after seeing that display, I guess I am a bit more balanced. It reminded me of a tabloid news segment by Geraldo Rivera in the 90's. Very dramatic and sensationalized. It wasn't the message itself, but the presentation. Talk about in your face!

The message needs to be heard, though. I remember when I was 15 years old, my family and I watched "Roots" together. I had never been taught a thing about black history, and the series was shocking and eye-opening. The impact of that movie stayed with me for life. Back then, black history was not taught in schools. I never learned about the Holocaust in school, either. The history of psychiatry should be taught, at the very least, to college students, especially those who are entering any helping profession.

People need to know the history of psychiatry. So many of the attitudes and practices are still being used today. People are dying every day from psychiatric abuse. I just saw 60 Minutes where a 21 year old guy who was diagnosed with a mental illness died in prison (the new asylums) at the hands of the prison guards. They restrained him for hours on end -- as punishment -- and he finally died of dehydration right before their eyes. It was all caught on video. Some of the cameras were shot by the guards themselves. Other footage was caught on the surveillance cameras. It was absolutely horrendous. It made me sick.

Deaths happen all the time in mental hospitals but the public doesn't hear about most of them because they are routinely swept under the rug. And the history of psychiatry is also swept under the rug because it supposedly doesn't happen anymore. The truth is, it's happening right before our eyes. Nowadays we have the internet, and we have cameras practically everywhere. Please, please educate yourselves! Learn about what is really going on. The information is just sitting there, waiting for you to find it - and to care. You don't have to go through CCHR (Scientology) to learn about it either. The internet is right at your fingertips. If books are more your speed, I highly recommend "Mad in America" by Robert Whitaker. That was the most profound and informative book I have ever read.

All I can do is my part. And you're reading it.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Scientologists? Nope!


Beth and I decided to catch the anti-psychiatry exhibit displayed at the Woodruff Arts Center. It was held by CCHR (Citizen's Commission on Human Rights) which is a front group for Scientology. Neither of us are Scientologists but both of us are interested in anything outside of mainstream psychiatry. This exhibit was called "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death." Scientologists aren't the only group that exposes the abuses that occur within the mental health system, but they are among the few that actually do something like show exhibits for the general public to see. I wish more groups would take such an active role. Just because a person questions the ethics and history of psychiatry does not make them a Scientologist! It makes them an informed and educated citizen. I'm not saying that everything CCHR says is true, but they sure do put a spin on certain aspects that I know are true. The average person has no idea that psychiatrists used to market torture devices used for "treatment' of the mentally ill. Most people don't realize that Thorazine was marketed as the "new lobotomy" and that lobotomies were halted because of Thorazine and other anti-psychotic drugs. Why spend time and money on surgery when a simple pill can do the same thing? Because of this ongoing ignorance, now kids are being prescribed anti-psychotic drugs every day. Do we really want a society of zombies? That's where we're headed. It's time to wake up!

BTW, we never got to see the exhibit. We tried, though! See the video...

Sunday, January 28, 2007

In My Language - a person with autism speaks out.

This is the description for the video: "The first part is in my "native language," and then the second part provides a translation, or at least an explanation. This is not a look-at-the-autie gawking freakshow as much as it is a statement about what gets considered thought, intelligence, personhood, language, and communication, and what does not."