Showing posts with label mental health recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health recovery. Show all posts
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Awards presentation to our attorneys who defended the Peer Support and Wellness Center
NIMBY = "Not in My Backyard" = Discrimination. This is our story and recognition of our supporters. The opposing neighbors can speak for themselves... and they do...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Remembering Sherry Olvey
Sherry Olvey was a pioneer in the consumer/survivor movement in Georgia. This footage is a tribute to her life.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Our First Christmas - (to Stephany's daughter)
This is dedicated to Stephany's daughter. You do have the strength, and if you forget it for a moment, let us gently remind you. We will hold the hope for you, and the love, and the power. This video is for you, darling. Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Christmas Party at the Network
I've gone to the Georgia Mental Health Consumeer Network's Christmas Party every year since I became their web designer in 2004. This one was extra special because all the staff from the Peer Support and Wellness Center were invited. It was the first time I brought my video camera, too! Nobody was camera shy, which is heaven for me, and the food was incredible. I ate too much, then my sister and I went to the movies and had popcorn, then we went out to diunner. I have been fasting today because I woke up this morning still full. I hate when that happens. Ahhhh the holidays .. then the diet. I'm sure you can guess what my New Years Resolution is for 2009. I totally blew it in 2008.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Run for Wellness and Recovery
This video was so much fun to make. It was a great event, too! It poured down rain the night before, and we were worried it would be canceled. But it turned out to be a beautiful day, just perfect. I hope you enjoy the video as much as I enjoyed making it.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Walking in Recovery
This fundraiser cost quite a bit of money just to attend, but the Peer Support and Wellness Center participants were able to attend as guests. The food was unbelievable and the atmosphere was relaxed. We were the loudest ones there! Here's a short video of us hanging out with each other at the fundraiser.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Linda Buckner, CPS
Linda Buckner is a friend and mentor who has touched the lives of countless others who have been diagnosed and labeled with mental illness.
Friday, October 12, 2007
In the Arms of the Angels
Last Sunday I attended the 10th anniversary memorial service of the Cemetery Restoration Project at Central State Hospital in Milledgeville, GA. If you are unfamiliar with the story of this cemetery, view a previous video Let Me Live. For those of you who follow this blog, you know what this cemetery means to me and to all the people who died at the "largest lunatic asylum in the world." Of course it's not called that today. We've come a long way but we still have a long way to go.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
The Great Divide
I've had enough time to recover from the Georgia Mental Health Consumer Network summer conference, so I thought I'd write something about it. I posted a video on the Faces of Recovery blog of some of the opening remarks by my friend and collegue, Sherry Jenkins-Tucker. I decided not to cross post the video because so many people are subscribed to both blogs and they would get duplicates in their email.
This was the third conference I'd attended, and it was by far the most powerful. Not because of any of the activities or workshops or keynotes, but because of the harsh realities I came to realize through the unfolding of the conference.
We are a divided system here in Georgia. We have the "medical model" folks and we have the "recovery model" folks, and both camps were strongly represented at the conference. I was dumbfounded at times because I am typically surrounded by empowered individuals who are in recovery, yet I came face to face with individuals who have no clue what recovery is. They talk about their medications and their doctors and their day programs. That's all well and good for them, but what about a life outside of the mental health system? What about friends and movies and sports and classes and jobs and all the other things that life has to offer? I would have loved to hear about the whole person rather than one diagnosed aspect. We are people first! But our humanity is stripped away from us if we totally buy into the medical model of treatment, which is so painfully prevelant.
I felt this sense of dark oppression among the participants in the conference. I heard staff members who'd brought consumers to the conference straight from the day programs, warn consumers not to stay in their hotel rooms and play hooky from the workshops. I heard one staff person tell their group that they were in school and needed to go to "class", referring to the workshops. In other words, this conference became an extension of their day treatment programs. I ran into one consumer in the elevator scared of missing an event that she was "supposed" to attend and scared of "getting in trouble."
This broke my heart.
After that encounter, I turned to find a room full of peers who were relaxing and playing cards and talking and just kicking back. This was the peer support room, one of the new additions to the conference this year. It was a welcomed success. I just wonder if some of the more oppressed consumers were even allowed to go into that room.
I walked into the auditorium to hear one of the state people talking about how they planned to spend the mental health budget. I saw the Power Point presentation plastered with the typical medical model crap, just like every other year. So I left and filmed the gorgeous sunset at the pier. Later, two consumers joined me and we had fun just getting to know each other. I couldn't help but think of all the consumers still in the auditorium, at that point, pouring their hearts out to the deaf ears of the governor's advisory council. I doubt this council ever had a meeting with the governor, and I doubt even more their power. All I know is that the consumers who spoke to them were sincere and authentic and believed their voices were being heard.
The next day, the Network presented awards to various individuals and organizations who deserved recognition for the work they'd done the previous year. This part of the conference is always fun, but this year I nearly shit my pants when Andy Miller accepted the journalism award. He is the journalist, along with Alan Judd, who broke the story for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution about all the deaths in the state hospitals in Georgia. The "Hidden Shame" series is still going on, and it has shaken the state office to its core. You can see an overview of all the articles and the fallout at this webpage, hosted by the Network. Andy Miller is a hero to all consumers in Georgia who are at risk of being admitted or committed to one of Georgia's seven state hospitals. He and Alan, through these articles, are our strongest voices to the state right now. I was totally taken by surprise when I saw Andy there. Wow wow wow!
The mental health system in Georgia is ranked one of the lowest in the country. I think it's #45 but I may be wrong. I know it's in the 40s out of 50 states. They also got a D grade on the prestigious NAMI report card. Not that I give a crap about NAMI but it's enough for our governor to call a special meeting to hear how Georgia can raise its grade.
One the other side of this great divide is Peer Support, which is ranked number one in the country. Guess which programs the state has decided to cut? Can you say Peer Support? Very good.
The more ridiculous our state becomes, the more obvious it appears before the public. So go ahead, Georgia, DHR, Sonny Perdue, get as ridiculous as possible so that any person with an ounce of common sense can see all the damage you are doing. When the public takes notice, things finally get addressed, and people get voted out of office, appointees get replaced, burned-out bureaucrats get lost. So keep doing what you're doing, Georgia. You are only hanging yourself.
Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Seriously, they are incredibly blind.
I know why this is happening! The people who are in charge of the mental health system, the policy makers, the doctors, nurses, case managers, and even the family members do not believe in the capacity and the intrinsic value of individuals they are supposed to be helping. Not only do they not believe in recovery, but they impose their disempowering beliefs onto some of the most intelligent, compassionate, and creative individuals in the state of Georgia. If only they knew what I know. If only they saw what I see. If only they believed.
But you can't force a belief onto someone else. You can't make a policy saying you must believe in the consumers you serve. This is why I have little hope of the system truly transforming. If changes are going to be made, they will most likely be made outside the system from people who actually get it. And these angels of hope will be offering strong, recovery-based alternatives to some of our most vulnerable citizens. You may even be one of those angels. I know I am.
This was the third conference I'd attended, and it was by far the most powerful. Not because of any of the activities or workshops or keynotes, but because of the harsh realities I came to realize through the unfolding of the conference.
We are a divided system here in Georgia. We have the "medical model" folks and we have the "recovery model" folks, and both camps were strongly represented at the conference. I was dumbfounded at times because I am typically surrounded by empowered individuals who are in recovery, yet I came face to face with individuals who have no clue what recovery is. They talk about their medications and their doctors and their day programs. That's all well and good for them, but what about a life outside of the mental health system? What about friends and movies and sports and classes and jobs and all the other things that life has to offer? I would have loved to hear about the whole person rather than one diagnosed aspect. We are people first! But our humanity is stripped away from us if we totally buy into the medical model of treatment, which is so painfully prevelant.
I felt this sense of dark oppression among the participants in the conference. I heard staff members who'd brought consumers to the conference straight from the day programs, warn consumers not to stay in their hotel rooms and play hooky from the workshops. I heard one staff person tell their group that they were in school and needed to go to "class", referring to the workshops. In other words, this conference became an extension of their day treatment programs. I ran into one consumer in the elevator scared of missing an event that she was "supposed" to attend and scared of "getting in trouble."
This broke my heart.
After that encounter, I turned to find a room full of peers who were relaxing and playing cards and talking and just kicking back. This was the peer support room, one of the new additions to the conference this year. It was a welcomed success. I just wonder if some of the more oppressed consumers were even allowed to go into that room.
I walked into the auditorium to hear one of the state people talking about how they planned to spend the mental health budget. I saw the Power Point presentation plastered with the typical medical model crap, just like every other year. So I left and filmed the gorgeous sunset at the pier. Later, two consumers joined me and we had fun just getting to know each other. I couldn't help but think of all the consumers still in the auditorium, at that point, pouring their hearts out to the deaf ears of the governor's advisory council. I doubt this council ever had a meeting with the governor, and I doubt even more their power. All I know is that the consumers who spoke to them were sincere and authentic and believed their voices were being heard.
The next day, the Network presented awards to various individuals and organizations who deserved recognition for the work they'd done the previous year. This part of the conference is always fun, but this year I nearly shit my pants when Andy Miller accepted the journalism award. He is the journalist, along with Alan Judd, who broke the story for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution about all the deaths in the state hospitals in Georgia. The "Hidden Shame" series is still going on, and it has shaken the state office to its core. You can see an overview of all the articles and the fallout at this webpage, hosted by the Network. Andy Miller is a hero to all consumers in Georgia who are at risk of being admitted or committed to one of Georgia's seven state hospitals. He and Alan, through these articles, are our strongest voices to the state right now. I was totally taken by surprise when I saw Andy there. Wow wow wow!
The mental health system in Georgia is ranked one of the lowest in the country. I think it's #45 but I may be wrong. I know it's in the 40s out of 50 states. They also got a D grade on the prestigious NAMI report card. Not that I give a crap about NAMI but it's enough for our governor to call a special meeting to hear how Georgia can raise its grade.
One the other side of this great divide is Peer Support, which is ranked number one in the country. Guess which programs the state has decided to cut? Can you say Peer Support? Very good.
The more ridiculous our state becomes, the more obvious it appears before the public. So go ahead, Georgia, DHR, Sonny Perdue, get as ridiculous as possible so that any person with an ounce of common sense can see all the damage you are doing. When the public takes notice, things finally get addressed, and people get voted out of office, appointees get replaced, burned-out bureaucrats get lost. So keep doing what you're doing, Georgia. You are only hanging yourself.
Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Seriously, they are incredibly blind.
I know why this is happening! The people who are in charge of the mental health system, the policy makers, the doctors, nurses, case managers, and even the family members do not believe in the capacity and the intrinsic value of individuals they are supposed to be helping. Not only do they not believe in recovery, but they impose their disempowering beliefs onto some of the most intelligent, compassionate, and creative individuals in the state of Georgia. If only they knew what I know. If only they saw what I see. If only they believed.
But you can't force a belief onto someone else. You can't make a policy saying you must believe in the consumers you serve. This is why I have little hope of the system truly transforming. If changes are going to be made, they will most likely be made outside the system from people who actually get it. And these angels of hope will be offering strong, recovery-based alternatives to some of our most vulnerable citizens. You may even be one of those angels. I know I am.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Recovery from the Mental Health System
I suppose if I am going to be filming recovery stories next week at the Network conference, I should post mine as well. I am looking forward to the conference. For those who don't know, this is an annual statewide conference for Georgia mental health cosumers and survivors. You can learn more at the conference webpage.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
How I deal with mental breakdowns
As most of you already know, I refuse to take any medications for mental illness, even though every doctor I've seen has stated that I need to be on medications for the rest of my life. That is why I no longer see doctors. So what do I do in a crisis situation? How do I deal with the symptoms? This question was asked the other day, and I realized that I needed to write a blog post about it. My answer is highly unconventional, yet I feel it's long overdue.
Before I answer, let me describe the symptoms I experience. I hate the word "symptoms" by the way because they are simply human experiences, yet for this post I'll use the term because it is the psychiatric term used in diagnosing specific, unwonted human experiences.
Depression. When I get depressed, I can't get out of bed. I have no motivation to do anything. All I can do is cry and think about dying. Life has no meaning whatsoever. I find no joy in any activity, and even lying in bed is painful. There is no escape. Nothing helps. I can't tolerate any social situation, and I don't answer the phone or the door. It's a miracle I am still alive today because suicide is the most comforting thought I carry. It allows me a sense of power amidst all the powerlessness that depression brings.
Anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, life becomes overwhelming. I cannot handle noise or movement. It makes me want to scream and lash out and stop the chaos in any way possible. I feel jumpy and desperate and totally out of control. When I get this way, I can truly identify with the person who goes on a shooting spree. That is hard to admit, but it is so true. Again, that fantasy allows me a sense of power amidst the powerlessness that anxiety brings.
Dissociation. Dissociation, for me, is very similar to being in a state of shock. Everything around me becomes surreal. It's like I've been thrust into another reality where nothing is like it was before. Think of a time when you first heard the news of a loved one's unexpected death. That is similar to what dissociation is like for me, except there was no death. Also, my memory gets really bad, and time becomes warped and distorted.
Those are my three primary experiences and symptoms that have been diagnosed by psychiatrists since 1982. The actual diagnoses vary, depending on the psychiatrist, and some of them include Major Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, and the list goes on. I've also been diagnosed with illnesses that have nothing to do with the symptoms I described. You see, once I got into the system, I developed other behaviors simply from the side effects from the medications I was given or from trying to survive in a psychiatric hospital or day program. These added behaviors were diagnosed with things like Chronic Undifferentiated Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizo Affective Disorder, and the list goes on.
These are the reasons I do not believe in the existence of mental illness. The system simply can't get it right, most likely due to the fact that there are no scientific tests for any mental illness. Psychiatrists -- and NAMI -- will tell you that brain scans show differences in the brain chemistry of people with these illnesses, but hey, they failed to stop the medications before scanning the brains. Those scans are of chemically-altered brains! Other explanations are possible, too, like childhood trauma, which is the most prevelant occurance in people who have been diagnosed with a mental illness. But this whole brain-chemistry topic is for another post. It gets pretty involved.
So what do I do when those symptoms occur that I described above?
I embrace them. I honor them for what they are and I feel them for all they are worth. If I am depressed, I feel the depression as if I were being paid to describe to someone what depression is like. I describe it as I am feeling it. I don't try to distract myself from it the way everyone advises me to do. I hear things like "Take a walk, call a friend, go out with friends, exercise, do anything except feel the depression, you are only dwelling on it and it will make things worse, and for godssake don't isolate!" I used to feel so guilty for not being able to follow their advice. Not anymore! I will dwell on my depression. I will isolate. I will remove myself from all of society and I will treat myself to whatever my heart desires. That usually means isolating and wallowing in depression and crying my heart out for no reason. There is movement in crying! There is healing. I cry as deeply as my body will allow, and the exhaustion that follows is the most healing experience of all. And "healing" does not mean that the depression is over. It may be around for a while, and that is okay. It is not something that needs to be healed. Depression is simply another human experience, and by god, I am going to experience it!
So what happens when you stop trying to cure depression? The only thing constant is change, and that includes depression. It is always temporary, and you can count on it.
Allowing depression to run its natural course ultimately allowed me to become a more compassionate and empathetic human being than I ever was before. These traits are priceless and eternal. No SSRI could ever accomplish that. Not even close.
Intolerance for noise and movement peaked when I lived in the downtown high rise. The chaos was constant, and my cockatiel Jake added to the chaos every day. I was nearly at the point of hurting that precious little bird, and that's when I realized I absolutely had to find a way to cope with my anxiety. So I began paying attention to the chaos, soaking it in, refusing to try and make it go away, no longer believing that I would find peace if it all stopped. I said "Bring it on!" and I meant it. I observed myself experiencing the chaos and knew that I was safe in the midst of it. It is an amazing, transformational process of surrender, which has far greater value than anything Xanax can offer.
This method also worked with Dissociation. The diagnosis used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. If I have other personalities inside of me, why not get to know them and embrace them and learn from them? They are there for a reason, and they are me! I could write a whole post on this subject alone (and maybe I will), but trying to fight off any aspect of myself, whether it is depression, anxiety, or multiple personalities, is only denying myself yet another human experience. I refuse to do that anymore. I have a right to experience being human because I am human!
So, what really happens when I embrace all these symptoms rather than fix (mask) them through psychiatric "treatments"? Hmmmm.... well, I very rarely have any of these symptoms anymore, and when I do, they don't last nearly as long. To be honest, I can't remember details of their recurrences anymore because they don't stand out like they used to. They are no longer "bad" or "horrible" in my mind or my experience, so why make a note of them? It's like having a rainy day. Who cares? It just happens. Anyway, my goal was never to make the symptoms go away. It just happened.
Probably the greatest benefit of using this method is the lack of fear and guilt I now have toward any of these symptoms creeping into my life.
I truly believe I am on to something here.
I also use this method for other things that are uncomfortable, like quitting smoking. I didn't use any distractions like gum or exercise whenever I would have a craving, which was constant in the beginning. I felt the craving, even invited it. And of course the cravings subsided. I have no desire to smoke anymore, but if the desire creeps in, I take the time to feel it and embrace it. Feelings can't kill you, but smoking can.
One more thing...
What about the individual who experiences these symptoms yet is unable to embrace them without becoming a danger to herself or others?
This is the primary use, in my opinion, for medication -- on a temporary basis. Just to get through the crisis. The greatest atrocity of the mental health system is dooming a human being to taking powerful, mind-altering drugs for the rest of her life.
This is what keeps me up at night. This is what fuels my passion as an advocate.
Before I answer, let me describe the symptoms I experience. I hate the word "symptoms" by the way because they are simply human experiences, yet for this post I'll use the term because it is the psychiatric term used in diagnosing specific, unwonted human experiences.
Depression. When I get depressed, I can't get out of bed. I have no motivation to do anything. All I can do is cry and think about dying. Life has no meaning whatsoever. I find no joy in any activity, and even lying in bed is painful. There is no escape. Nothing helps. I can't tolerate any social situation, and I don't answer the phone or the door. It's a miracle I am still alive today because suicide is the most comforting thought I carry. It allows me a sense of power amidst all the powerlessness that depression brings.
Anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, life becomes overwhelming. I cannot handle noise or movement. It makes me want to scream and lash out and stop the chaos in any way possible. I feel jumpy and desperate and totally out of control. When I get this way, I can truly identify with the person who goes on a shooting spree. That is hard to admit, but it is so true. Again, that fantasy allows me a sense of power amidst the powerlessness that anxiety brings.
Dissociation. Dissociation, for me, is very similar to being in a state of shock. Everything around me becomes surreal. It's like I've been thrust into another reality where nothing is like it was before. Think of a time when you first heard the news of a loved one's unexpected death. That is similar to what dissociation is like for me, except there was no death. Also, my memory gets really bad, and time becomes warped and distorted.
Those are my three primary experiences and symptoms that have been diagnosed by psychiatrists since 1982. The actual diagnoses vary, depending on the psychiatrist, and some of them include Major Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, and the list goes on. I've also been diagnosed with illnesses that have nothing to do with the symptoms I described. You see, once I got into the system, I developed other behaviors simply from the side effects from the medications I was given or from trying to survive in a psychiatric hospital or day program. These added behaviors were diagnosed with things like Chronic Undifferentiated Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizo Affective Disorder, and the list goes on.
These are the reasons I do not believe in the existence of mental illness. The system simply can't get it right, most likely due to the fact that there are no scientific tests for any mental illness. Psychiatrists -- and NAMI -- will tell you that brain scans show differences in the brain chemistry of people with these illnesses, but hey, they failed to stop the medications before scanning the brains. Those scans are of chemically-altered brains! Other explanations are possible, too, like childhood trauma, which is the most prevelant occurance in people who have been diagnosed with a mental illness. But this whole brain-chemistry topic is for another post. It gets pretty involved.
So what do I do when those symptoms occur that I described above?
I embrace them. I honor them for what they are and I feel them for all they are worth. If I am depressed, I feel the depression as if I were being paid to describe to someone what depression is like. I describe it as I am feeling it. I don't try to distract myself from it the way everyone advises me to do. I hear things like "Take a walk, call a friend, go out with friends, exercise, do anything except feel the depression, you are only dwelling on it and it will make things worse, and for godssake don't isolate!" I used to feel so guilty for not being able to follow their advice. Not anymore! I will dwell on my depression. I will isolate. I will remove myself from all of society and I will treat myself to whatever my heart desires. That usually means isolating and wallowing in depression and crying my heart out for no reason. There is movement in crying! There is healing. I cry as deeply as my body will allow, and the exhaustion that follows is the most healing experience of all. And "healing" does not mean that the depression is over. It may be around for a while, and that is okay. It is not something that needs to be healed. Depression is simply another human experience, and by god, I am going to experience it!
So what happens when you stop trying to cure depression? The only thing constant is change, and that includes depression. It is always temporary, and you can count on it.
Allowing depression to run its natural course ultimately allowed me to become a more compassionate and empathetic human being than I ever was before. These traits are priceless and eternal. No SSRI could ever accomplish that. Not even close.
Intolerance for noise and movement peaked when I lived in the downtown high rise. The chaos was constant, and my cockatiel Jake added to the chaos every day. I was nearly at the point of hurting that precious little bird, and that's when I realized I absolutely had to find a way to cope with my anxiety. So I began paying attention to the chaos, soaking it in, refusing to try and make it go away, no longer believing that I would find peace if it all stopped. I said "Bring it on!" and I meant it. I observed myself experiencing the chaos and knew that I was safe in the midst of it. It is an amazing, transformational process of surrender, which has far greater value than anything Xanax can offer.
This method also worked with Dissociation. The diagnosis used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. If I have other personalities inside of me, why not get to know them and embrace them and learn from them? They are there for a reason, and they are me! I could write a whole post on this subject alone (and maybe I will), but trying to fight off any aspect of myself, whether it is depression, anxiety, or multiple personalities, is only denying myself yet another human experience. I refuse to do that anymore. I have a right to experience being human because I am human!
So, what really happens when I embrace all these symptoms rather than fix (mask) them through psychiatric "treatments"? Hmmmm.... well, I very rarely have any of these symptoms anymore, and when I do, they don't last nearly as long. To be honest, I can't remember details of their recurrences anymore because they don't stand out like they used to. They are no longer "bad" or "horrible" in my mind or my experience, so why make a note of them? It's like having a rainy day. Who cares? It just happens. Anyway, my goal was never to make the symptoms go away. It just happened.
Probably the greatest benefit of using this method is the lack of fear and guilt I now have toward any of these symptoms creeping into my life.
I truly believe I am on to something here.
I also use this method for other things that are uncomfortable, like quitting smoking. I didn't use any distractions like gum or exercise whenever I would have a craving, which was constant in the beginning. I felt the craving, even invited it. And of course the cravings subsided. I have no desire to smoke anymore, but if the desire creeps in, I take the time to feel it and embrace it. Feelings can't kill you, but smoking can.
One more thing...
What about the individual who experiences these symptoms yet is unable to embrace them without becoming a danger to herself or others?
This is the primary use, in my opinion, for medication -- on a temporary basis. Just to get through the crisis. The greatest atrocity of the mental health system is dooming a human being to taking powerful, mind-altering drugs for the rest of her life.
This is what keeps me up at night. This is what fuels my passion as an advocate.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Faces of Recovery: Sherry Jenkins-Tucker, CPS
Sherry is the Executive Director of the Georgia Mental Health Consumer Network. She has something to say about recovery...
Friday, June 29, 2007
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