Peter Breggin, MD--Psychiatric Drugs Interview Part III

Pacman Fever

All My Lynchs

Our 1986 version of Bohemian Rhapsody

My sisers and I loved getting our hands on a camcorder. The men had to follow along with whatever we came up with. They were great sports. I have always loved video editing, even when it was done the old fashioned way.

Anatomy of an Epidemic (Robert Whitaker)

Wellness center staying put in Decatur | ajc.com

Wellness center staying put in Decatur  | ajc.com

Posted using ShareThis

Baby dove!

Reality of Recovery: A Documentary - Part 1 of 7

Judi Chamberlin: Her Life, Our Movement

Remembering Sherry Olvey

Sherry Olvey was a pioneer in the consumer/survivor movement in Georgia. This footage is a tribute to her life.

February 2010 FOX news, Atlanta, "Dollars for Docs"

Serenity Turns Two!!!

Serenity is growng up really fast. Stop!!! She is so incredibly cute.

Nursing Home Employees on Trial for Over Drugging

Nursing Home Employees on Trial for Over Drugging

Building a Gingerbread House

A Christmas Rose

This was our very special Christmas at the Peer Support and Wellness Center.

Decatur eLife's Holiday Video Card

Peeling Potatoes on Thanksgiving 2009

Thanksgiving at the Peer Support and Wellness Center

NYS Senator Diane Savino speaks on the Marriage Equality bill

Freddie in his element

Freddie gave all he had to every performance, as if it were his one and only. He had a love affair with each audience. This Wembley performance is the epitome of Freddie.

Psychiatry is fake science. The Thud Experiment proof.

How fun can change people's decisions - The Piano Stairway

Africa The Serengeti

My sister Jody filmed this footage shortly after she got her first video camera. I gave her a few tips about filming, mainly to move the camera slowly, and she practiced for a few days before her trip to Africa. Her husband Pete did the video editing, and this was also his first serious attempt. I am so impressed with both of them. GO PETE AND JODY! YOU ROCK!

Charlie bit my finger

I was having a rough day, then I saw this video.

Antidepressants exposed

Faces of Recovery 2009

Chinese Dissidents Committed to Mental Hospitals | China Digital Times (CDT)

China News: Video: Chinese Dissidents Committed to Mental Hospitals | China Digital Times (CDT)

Shared via AddThis

Conan O'Brien Takes Jab At Big Pharma

Pfizer Hit With Staggering Drug Settlement

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Serenity Has a Brother!

Skyler was two weeks old when I took this video. Serenity was taking a nap. We just missed her. You may be able to see Beth there as well, but Karla insisted she didn't want to be seen in the video. I was able to extract the interview. I think she was just too exhausted and didn't think she looked her best. I thought she was just as beautiful as ever!

In other news, I just got a call from the Wellness Center announcing that two eggs were seen in Angel and Angela's nest. I had put a nesting box in the cage, which they both ignored. So Angela decided to use one of her food bowls! I threw the food out and replaced it with bedding, so that's what they are using. I hope it's sufficient. It's kinda small. Of course I will be poking my camera in there from time to time. Stay tuned!

Michael Moore - Reveals the real cause of Columbine.

Taco - Puttin' on the Ritz (Original Uncensored Version)

I couldn't resist posting this video. I remember the released version in the 80s, and it did not have the creepy element -- or the offensive black faces. But this was one of my favorite songs of all time for many years. Don't watch this unless you are ready to be creeped out. It is the original uncut version.

Serenity at 17 Months Old and Skyler at 0

Karla's baby "Skyler" is due today. I haven't heard anything yet. She asked me if I wanted to be in the delivery room again, and of course I said yes. Sooo... Until then, here is a video of Serenity at 17 months, along with Karla at 8 months pregnant, Serenity's father Kenny, and Serenity's half sister, Kayla. Skyler's first baby picture is here, too.

Too Many Kids on Psych Meds

Olmstead 10 Year Anniversary

Sharon Jenkins Tucker wins Clifford Beers Award!

Sharon Jenkins Tucker received the 2009 Mental Health America Clifford W. Beers Award. When getting up every day was hampered by depression, she slept in the back seat of her car rather than be hospitalized. Since 2004 she has been the executive director of the Georgia Mental Health Consumer Network, using her experience about the process of recovery, and her training as a peer specialist, to create the Peer Support and Wellness Center run by employed certified peer specialists.
"Does recovery work?" some are asking as they discuss how much to invest in health reform. "I'm the evidence," she told a cheering, weeping, and star-studded crowd.

Are Psychiatric Drugs Being Pushed on Kids?

Extreme Sheep LED Art

I've never seen anyting like this. Is it really possible? Wow!

Beth plus 11 white shirts, yes 11

Okay, this is just some random silliness when Beth stayed with me last May. We had so much fun, especially the last night of her visit. We were both exhausted from working all day (Beth was doing a training) and then shopping, plus Beth had to catch an early flight the next morning. It was one of those nights when nothing made sense and everything was funny. I have no idea if we will make sense to anyone else, but I am posting this video because I had fun with it. There was a lot I couldn't post from the footage because, well, I kinda want to keep this a PG blog.

Mother and daughter reunion - and sisters, too!

I rarely see my mom and my sister Michele. They live down the street from each other in Blue Springs, MO. I hadn't seen them in years when my sister Jody called me and asked if I wanted to meet them in Dallas. I said yes, bought a plane ticket, and the rest is in this video.

Michele is our little sister, and we were not very nice to her growing up. We both thought of her as a brat, and we really couldn't see beyond the brattiness. So now, Michele has a daughter of her own, Katie, who is the reason we decided to meet in Dallas. Katie is a cheerleader, and Dallas was holding its cheerleading championship competition.

Granted, I could care less about cheerleading, but I do care about my little sister and my niece, so this was an opportunity to see them again. My mom was there, too, along with Katie's friend and her mom. The trip turned out to be quite a "mother-daughter" theme. Lots of bickering, especially between Michele and Katie. Apparently Katie is going through a typical "I hate my mother" phase, and Michele, who totally cracks me up, is taking it all in. You can see some of the dynamics in the video, but mostly it is about mothers and daughters in general.

Low Dose Naltrexone on YouTube

Queen's new frontman?

Queen ready to give Adam Lambert a gig?

That is the headline after the Season finale of American Idol. I am a HUGE Queen fan, as you know from my videos, and I am a HUGE Adam Lambert fan. Adam is a brilliant, flamboyant talent who could easily be Queen's new frontman. I always felt that Adam was channeling Freddie Mercury on stage. He has the black nails, the guyliner, the sexuality, and (my favorite) the Freddie Mercury falsetto. I will buy everything Adam releases and listen to it until I'm sick, just like I did Freddie's music. I can't say that about another American Idol winner. Oh yeah, Adam didn't win. Freddie would not have won either!

Angel and Angela

I took a sick day today, then I got bored and decided to edit some video I took on Memorial Day. I'm sure you remember Angel, but no one has "met" Angela on this blog. So let me introduce our new addition. She is a year old, and she's been with us a few weeks. Angel loves her, but mostly he loves having company instead of being alone all the time. I was heartbroken by how lonely Angel was getting. Now he's back to his old, playful self!

Beth and I a year later. Silliness lives on.

Beth moved to Kansas about the same time I moved into the Peer Support and Wellness Center. We both moved into 444 street addresses! So then a year later, I moved out of the Center and she came to visit me from Kansas for the first time. I had just moved into my new apartment 10 days before, and she helped me with decorating. This is how far behind I've gotten with editing videos! This video is me and Beth attempting to decorate my apartment, but mostly we're goofing off.

I also have footage of me and Beth in DC last April and Beth's visit last week. So stay tuned for more Beth Filson!

Lots of things happening. Life, love, doves.

First of all, please forgive me for neglecting this blog for so long. I have been incredibly busy with work, and when I have time, I do things like clean my apartment and eat something decent. Things from my former life have gone by the wayside. YouTube, podcasts, video editing, working out, and Rayne's World. But this blog is too important for me to put aside any longer. I will keep posting on a regular basis from now on and forever more. Crossing fingers...

Okay, with all the excuses out of the way - how are you all doing? I miss my blogger friends. I hope everyone is doing great! I keep up with some of your blogs, so I know what a lot of you have been up to. I'm just glad you're still blogging!

My life is moving incredibly fast. My work is the most important thing in my life, and it has been quite a challenge. The Peer Support and Wellness Center definitely has its challenges. Last time I wrote anything significant, we were still in the infant stage. Since then, we have been through the terrible twos, and now we are at a more reasonable childhood stage. It has felt like raising a child - all consuming, challenging, and rewarding. Yes, rewarding. When we reach a milestone (masked as a challenge) and work though it, coming out ahead, it is like a growth spurt. We have had many of those.

One of the challenges has been Personal Care Home managers. Personal Care homes are, in my opinion, a tragic extention of institutions. They are hospitals without walls, and they serve to keep people oppressed and dependent. There's very little self direction. But the individuals who come to the Center from Personal Care Homes are experiencing self direction at least while they are at the Wellness Center. It is frustrating because I feel that Personal Care Homes have an ideal setup for people to become self directed, if only the managers understood the concept. If only! It just breaks my heart to see so many people who have so much talent and insight to live in another institution. It feels criminal.

So it's very difficult to communicate with Personal Care home managers. We don't speak the same language, and their objectives are opposite of ours. They want to keep people "safe" and "compliant." They don't understand the fact that we do not keep files on our peers, not do we discuss our peers with anyone except our peers. Duh! Case workers and parents often have the same expectation of us. Medicaid van drivers too! So when our peers come to the Center from those environments, many are hearing about self direction for the first time. And practicing it is a challenge as well because once they return home, they have to be compliant again. I understand this, too, because when your living siruation is at stake, you will do whatever it takes to have a roof over your head.

I see the Center as such a reprieve for so many of our peers. Many people who don't have a home will come to the Center for a nice home environment, at least for the day. We work with people on housing issues, and many have found the home of their choosing through networking and resources while at the Center. Others are still struggling with homelessness, and I wish there were more housing resources in this area.

The Center is directed by four core values - making connections, sharing worldviews, creating mutuality, and moving toward (life). When someone comes through those doors and simply wants to sit on the couch and hang her head, another peer will approach that person and attempt to make a connection. I have seen eyes light up and personalities emerge from that simple act. It happens a lot, and tears are falling now from thinking about it. OMG! That's the reason we are here! Nothing is more rewardng than that!

My personal life has been moving fast as well. Yes, I do have a personal life! I moved out of the Center last December 27, exactly one year to the day that I had moved in. I didn't plan it that way! But I have a very nice apartment about a half mile away. It's the most beautiful apartment I've ever lived in, and it's secure and peaceful. I needed to move. The daily participants at the Center have grown in numbers to the point that it was becoming difficult to find a space for myself. And I need my space!

I saved up all I could during the year I lived at the Center and left all my belongings when I moved out. I needed to start fresh and new. I went to Havertys and furnished my new apartment. WOW was that a blast! So when I moved out, everything got delivered to me rather than dealing with all those boxes. It was a VERY pleasant and effortless move!

I left my dove Angel at the Center. I'm there most of the time anyway, and I think he is happy there. He did miss me when I first moved out, though, so I found him a companion dove. Her name is Angela, and she adjusted to her new home immediately. She and Angel are best friends, and soon to be mates. It's just a matter of time. I see them kissing a lot :o)

I still edit videos, but I sure do have a lot of footage that I haven't even touched yet. Beth was here for a visit, and I'm sure you all remember her. She moved to Kansas about the same time I moved into the Center. She's been here to visit twice, and both times we got some good videos. Maybe I'll work on those first.

OH - and the beginning of May, I was invited to DC to a "Innovations in Recovery" seminar put on by SAMHSA, which is the federal division of mental health, so to speak. The feds, I call them. Anyway, the seminar covered several topics, and I was asked to do a presentation on "Crisis/Respite Alternatives." I showed the DVD of the Peer Support and Wellness Center, and people told me they loved it and wanted to come to Georgia and see it for themselves! This event was such an honor for me to attend. I had never traveled to an unknown city by myself before, and now I am no longer scared to do so. I was terrified before the trip, and I even considered declining, but that's not the way to grow, right? I gotta face my fears, and in the end, there was nothing to be afraid of.

Well, those are the highlights of my life since I last wrote. OH yeah - I also went to Dallas with my sister Jody. We met my mom, sister Michele, and niece Katie there to watch Katie compete in the national cheerleading championship. I have footage of that, too, which I will get to one day soon. Oh where do I start with all these videos?

OH yeah! And Karla is due to have another baby in July! A boy!

Okay, I am signing off before I remember something else. I'll be back soon. Thanks for reading my ramble.

Good news for kids in Florida!

Taxpayers foot the bill for ECT torture in MN

OMG! This could have been me not too long ago. Thank god I got away from psychiatry. They come to Ray's front door and forcibly take him away to shock his brain every other week, and it's being paid for by taxpayers! Nothing is more outrageous! It kills me to just think about it, and Ray is living it.

Hey, this could be you if you seek help for depression, nothing works, and you land in a hospital. ECT is for "treatment resistant" depression. I was certainly at risk. Nothing helped my depression. Hospitals made them worse. The oppression of the mental health system made them worse. My inability to cope with stress made them worse. Nothing helped, and just the thought of ECT gave me the creeps. I remember one of my last hospitalizations, in 2000, I was rooming with a young woman who said she had Dissociative Identity Disorder (which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, and which was a label I was given for many years). Every morning she would be taken away for ECT, and every afternoon, she would be soooo out of it. I remember asking her if she wanted ECT, and she said absolutely not. She was scared of saying no to her doctor, though, and she continued to go along with his orders. She was very compliant, just like the doctors wanted.

I think back on that... I was an involuntary patient. She and I had the same doctor. He could have forced ECT on me. How many others are getting ECT as I write this? How may choose it? How many are coerced or too afraid to stand up to their doctors? How many are blatantly forced, like Ray? How often does this go on???

I guarentee you this -- one day ECT will be looked upon as barbaric and unthinkable by everyone, like lobotomies are now. Sometimes it's just the era you are born into. Timing is huge. I am so sorry, Ray. I am so sorry. You are incredibly brave, and what you are going through is going to help bring these asshole doctors to their senses one day. OK - not to their senses (duh!) - but it will eventually change the law so these assholes cannot abuse human beings anymore with their "treatments".

If I had the opportunity, I would go to Ray's doctor's front door one morning and drag him to his own clinic and strap that ECT machine to his little pea brain. Before putting him under, I would ask him if he wanted ECT. When he said no, I would tell him that it was for his mental health, then I would zap his brain. Oooh that felt good to just write.

k.d. hallelujah lang

This song is one of my all-time favorites, and thanks to Gianna, who posted this version to her blog, I am now able to experience it by one of my all-time favorite performers: k.d.lang. I could write a book about k.d.lang and the effect she has had on my life, especially when I lived in a teeny tiny town called Avoca, Arkansas. I wonder if that town can be found on Google Streetview. Her music is...well...I can't express it in words unless I write a book, and even then, it's questionable whether it can be expressed at all.

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

hahahahaha

1st Anniversary! Woo hoo!!!

We made it. We're one year old!!!

Our First Christmas - (to Stephany's daughter)

This is dedicated to Stephany's daughter. You do have the strength, and if you forget it for a moment, let us gently remind you. We will hold the hope for you, and the love, and the power. This video is for you, darling. Merry Christmas.

Christmas Eve 2008 at the Peer Support and Wellness Center

I still can't believe I am getting into the holidays this year, but this is simply magical. I wish you could be here in person and feel the amazing energies surrounding this entire house. I feel so much love for each individual who walks through the door. It's incredible, just incredible. I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

Empanada Christmas

Empanada's first Christmas. I guess she's having fun. I know we are!

Christmas Party at the Network

I've gone to the Georgia Mental Health Consumeer Network's Christmas Party every year since I became their web designer in 2004. This one was extra special because all the staff from the Peer Support and Wellness Center were invited. It was the first time I brought my video camera, too! Nobody was camera shy, which is heaven for me, and the food was incredible. I ate too much, then my sister and I went to the movies and had popcorn, then we went out to diunner. I have been fasting today because I woke up this morning still full. I hate when that happens. Ahhhh the holidays .. then the diet. I'm sure you can guess what my New Years Resolution is for 2009. I totally blew it in 2008.

Google Search Trends

Google has their most popular searches listed at http://www.google.com/trends. Of course this is fascinating to me, and I am going to list the most popular searches, which by the way, make no sense to me whatsoever. But as an experiment, I will see if my stats rise just because I am listing them.

bush shoe
pete carroll night j...
david clowney
man throws shoe at b...
odot
oregon department of...
nick.com/biggreenhel...
honolulu marathon
bush in iraq
just friends

Anyway, it's Sunday, and I have spare time to do something utterly meaningless. Oh, and here's a video to boot. I called this art, but really only two pieces are considered art - the one titled "Abandoned" and the one titled "Rejection" which was my first sale years ago. The rest are just experiments with Photoshop filters. Well, I guess the sunset is original, too. As a side note the one titled "Abandoned" is actually Karla at age three. It took me three weeks to draw that in Photoshop. I don't know if any of you are into Photoshop, but there's a free program called Gimp that is just like it. Try it out! You will be surprised at what you can create.

Oh and I almost forgot! The Peer Support and Wellness Center now has a video blog! It's at http://peersupportandwellness.blogspot.com/ . Now all our videos are in one place. Things are going great, btw. I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season. I am actuially getting into it this year.

Thanksgiving 2008

Attempting the Andy Griffith Tune

Jake tried to whistle this tune, but he kept getting stuck. He's swinging on my raised knees, in case you were wondering.

Medication Nation

Douglas Kennedy on antipsychotics, FDA ignoring dangers, Fox National

Run for Wellness and Recovery

This video was so much fun to make. It was a great event, too! It poured down rain the night before, and we were worried it would be canceled. But it turned out to be a beautiful day, just perfect. I hope you enjoy the video as much as I enjoyed making it.

Karla Dances - Age 12

Jake

Jake was my constant companion for two years. Here is some footage I found from 2002. I just had to include Jake on this blog.

Faces of Recovery 2008

The first night of the Georgia Mental Health Consumer Network conference, attendees told their recovery stories on camera. The four people in this video are Sherry Olvey, who participates at the Peer Support and Wellness Center, Steve Morgan who is an excellent writer and advocate, Maureen Mayer, a full-time employee at the Wellness Center, and Pricilla, who we met that evening.

Serenity at 7 Months

I first met Karla when she was 2 years old, but I had seen many baby pictures of her. Serenity is identical to those pictures. It's uncanny. It will be amazing to watch Serenity grow up.

Peer Support and Wellness Center

The boys

It doesn't get any better than this.

Kaufman House

Part One


Part Two


The woman interviewed in this story is Nancy Jensen, a friend and colleague of Beth Filson's. You may remember Beth from some of the videos I have posted here. Here is one and another one.

Kansas is the state where I spent a year in their state hospital. It could easily have been me in this story if I had stayed in Kansas after being discharged. I'm so sorry it happened to Nancy. I'm so sorry it happened at all.

Catching up

It has been FOREVER since I've written anything here. It's been a long time since I've had a peaceful block of time, too. But now it is 5:00am, and it is peaceful here, and I am writing.

I have been so busy. I can't believe how much I can get done in a day. I used to get the same amount done in two weeks. Life is a whirlwind, and every day is different. There is no time for ruts or comfort zones.

The Center is full most of the time. During the day, we have 15-25 people, and during the night we have three respite guests. I love the respite guests. It is fascinating to have three new roommates every single week. It's always a new house dynamic. Sometimes we have respite guests who become lifelong friends after the week is over, and other times we have guests who really don't like the other guests and keep to themselves. Other times we have lively debates and other times we have sheer silence. I swear, some of the best chefs come through here, and I am the lucky recipient of their cooking.

During the day we have so many people and activities going on, I can't keep up. The dynamics during the day are different every day too. We always have new people coming, and soon we will be turning people away. We were warned about this in the beginning when we only had a small handful come every day. We wanted more people! So we did presentations and handed out packets and invited everyone over for tours. We got what we wanted.

The best part about this Center are the miracles and transformations I get to witness every day. The stories are endless, and we are writing a book titled "Crisis as Opportunity: Stories of Personal Transformation at the Peer Support and Wellness Center." As I wrote in an earlier post, I am making a DVD about the Center. We'll be using it as a general introduction to the Center. I wanted to catch the spirit of this place, and after watching the first draft the other day, the people who were watching were in tears. They said I captured the spirit.

I have been experiencing much transformation in my own life. I never knew I could supervise, schedule, and delegate to 8 staff 24 hours a day. I never knew I could handle so much responsibility. I have always been the epitome of irresponsibility. I've always basked in my comfort zone and required enormous amounts of time alone. Now I am rarely alone, except at 5:00 in the morning.

I don't even recognize myself.

I can't really make any promises, but I think it would be wonderful to start writing here more often. I will try. Really. I want to keep a journal of my life now. There's too much going on to just let pass by without writing about it. Too much has already happened. I think it will be worth the effort. It's really just a matter of finding the time, and even then, the energy. My heart and soul is in my work now. Everything I do is all about this Center. It is my baby.

I never knew I could work like this, so consistently and enthusiastically. I never knew something so challenging could be so worthwhile.

I hope I still have readers! I hope everyone is thriving!

Christian the Lion

Low Dose Naltrexone

Every week, people search for "Naltrexone without a prescription" and follow the link to my site. I mean daily! And every time I see it, I wish I had the exact website posted where I got it. I found the site weeks ago by searching for two days. Most of the sites had discontinued Naltrexone, and the one site I had previously used was based out of India. It was very expensive and took months to get to me.

But I found a great site that I want to share with all the seekers of Naltrexone. It's called River Pharmacy, and it's based out of Canada. The shipping is very quick -- maybe two weeks, and the price is so low I still can't believe it. I have about two years worth of pills. Of course, I take one 50MG pill, disolve it in 50ML distilled water, and take 4ML every night, so one pill lasts nearly two weeks.

Naltrexone goes under the names Revia, Nodict, Depade, Vivitrol, and Naltrexone. The direct page to order it is at https://www.riverpharmacy.com/drugInformation.php?ActiveIngredient=638

So there it is. I hope I just saved someone two days worth of searching!

El Camino del Rey

Originally built in 1901, this walkway now serves as an aproach to makinodromo, the famous climbing sector of El Chorro.

David Oaks on the IAACM- Creative Maladjustment

David Oaks is my hero :-)

Walking in Recovery

This fundraiser cost quite a bit of money just to attend, but the Peer Support and Wellness Center participants were able to attend as guests. The food was unbelievable and the atmosphere was relaxed. We were the loudest ones there! Here's a short video of us hanging out with each other at the fundraiser.

Psychiatrist Daniel Fisher Talks About Hope and Recovery

ADHDD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Doggy Disorder

Cooking at the Peer Support and Wellness Center

I'll be presenting at my first workshop at the Georgia Mental Health Consumer conference this August. It will be about the Peer Support and Wellness Center and what we're all about. I decided to make a video showing what we do rather than just talking about it and passing out literature. We'll do that, too, of course, but I think a video will give people a much better idea. I will be showing segments on this blog as I finish them. I'll also be making a DVD and passing it out with our literature as we promote the Wellness Center in the community.

This video is the segment on our cooking class. We cook every Friday evening, and it has become a warm, inviting event more than a class. Becca, a peer staff at the Center, is the main facilitator, and it was her project from the beginning. We also have a chef, Donna, also a peer, come in to instruct the class.

Needless to say, it is one of our most popular activities!

Movie Exposes Drug Industry, Promotes Natural Healing

American Asylums of the 19th Century

"American Asylums - Moral Archeture of the 19th Century"

Breathtaking photography by Jeremy Harris. Very provocative.

David Cook - Billie Jean

Serenity

Serenity is 2 months old, the same age as the bird in the video, the puppy who visits the Peer Support and Wellness Center every day, and the Wellness Center itself. New life. fresh hope. Enjoy!

Voiceless phone call

A neckband that intercepts nerve signals allows you to talk on the phone without emitting a sound

Footage courtesy Texas Instruments, recorded at the TI Developer Conference 2008, Dallas

More info - http://www.theaudeo.com

Reclaim Your Power NOW!

Whenever you are feeling victimized, helpless, and hopeless, it can be the first clue that you have given your power away to someone or something. I'm not talking about being a victim of a crime, although you can certainly apply this tool to any situation, especially when the victimization continues long after the actual assault.

I used to be in the victim role. It was how I got the attention I craved and the help I needed. I would attract people with an empathetic personality and a compassionate heart. I needed empathy and compassion like I needed food, and I would feed on people who were like this toward me. It was how I emotionally survived in life. It was the only survival tool I had.

The Universe gives you the desires of your heart, and the intensity of the desire, the depth of it, is the loudest voice you have. It is your Universal power.

My deepest desires were to receive empathy and compassion from others. I could taste them and feel them and savor them before I ever received them. They were first and foremost on my mind nearly every waking moment. They were the hope and the reason to keep living, just to know that the reward would be so incredibly sweet, even if short-lived. A moment of compassion would sustain me for a week. A morsel of empathy would encourage me to keep striving for the next scrap.

It's a dramatic way of life, rarely boring, full of tears and loneliness and intensity, and it gave me a sense of identity that I would not have had otherwise.

Eventually, the pain of this role began to outweigh the pleasure, and I needed to find a different way. I needed to learn how to give myself the things I needed. My dilemma was that I was not good enough to be in that role for myself. I was inferior to the type of person who had the capacity to show compassion. It seemed ludicrous to even consider it.

Then, through my spiritual awakening, I began to feel all the things I was terrified of feeling. I began to feel the desperate loneliness, the incredible rage, the unbearable sadness. And through these same feelings, I began to feel Compassion revealing itself to me from within the depths of my soul.

The intensity of all these feelings was the truest indicator of my Power within.

When I feel victimized today, helpless and hopeless, desperate and lacking, I know that I have given away my power to a situation or person at some point. I may not be consciously aware of who or what or how, but it is not necessary to know. It will come in time. What is necessary, however, is that I reclaim my power as soon as I realize that I have given it away. This can be as simple as saying out loud, "I reclaim my power NOW!"

It's the proverbial "shaking the fist" at God scene. Loud, dramatic, intense. Or quiet and meditative. The method doesn't matter, only the intent.

When I do this, the magic begins. Incredible insights flow in from seemingly nowhere and solutions appear where there weren't any before. It's usually at that point when it becomes clear to me where and how I gave my power away. It is a true "duh" moment, too, and I have to laugh at myself for being so blind.

Most people reclaim their power and have no idea that's what they just did. The Universe responds to your deepest intent, even if you aren't fully aware of it. That is the Law of Attraction. But when you are fully aware, the whole process becomes a conscious creation, a miracle. There's nothing like it.

Espavo...

That means "thank you for taking back your power."

Truth vs. Resonance

I have a request for a topic: Spirituality.

I realize it is a rather broad topic, so I'll narrow it down to something manageable. I'll also write more on spirituality in upcoming posts if there is an interest.

.......................................................................................

I believe that Truth does not exist, only Resonance.

I know a woman who was raised in a very strict Pentecostal religion where fundamentalist Christianity is taught. She passed her beliefs onto her children, who grew up and kept those beliefs for themselves. This woman surrounds herself with people who believe exactly the same way she does. Everywhere she turns, people are talking about Jesus Christ and salvation and sin and redemption. Hell is real, as is heaven. She is one of the happiest people I know. This is what living in your Resonance feels like.

I surround myself with people who believe that the mental health system is a broken system that needs to be fixed. We see the flaws in the system and are quick to point them out for the rest of the world to see. If they don't see them, they are blind. They will see the light one day when psychiatry bites them in the ass. I surround myself with people who believe that there is much more to mental illness than diagnosis, medication, day programs, and hospitalization . People with mental illness are actually hopping dimensions. I resonate with this, but does that make it true?

People assume that Resonance and Truth are the same thing.

I believe the Afterlife is filled with Resonance. The woman I described will see angels playing harps on clouds. She will surround herself with other souls who see those same angels and clouds. They will all walk the glorious streets of gold.

I will be hopping dimensions. Freely.

David Archuleta - Imagine

I just couldn't let a season of American Idol go by without sharing my top pick. This kid is amazing. He will win the whole thing and become a mega star like Kelly Clarkson and Chris Daughtry. I remember watching David Archuleta around 2004 (?) during the Star Search finale. Of course he won 100 grand. Then his vocal chord went paralyzed, and now he's back. Watch out for this guy. He sings from the depths of his soul, unlike the other contestants this season. Unfortnunately. Maybe in time a few of them will grow on me, but for now, David is the only reason to watch.

Food Combining

I got a request from a friend to blog about what I did to lose weight. I feel inadequate writing a post about losing weight, though, because my diet has not been the best lately. People who come to the Wellness Center bring in junk food all the time. Like on Valentine's day everyone brought in cupcakes, candy, you know, and who can resist that?

But maybe if I write this post, I'll get back on track.

I lost a lot of weight last year. I don't know how many pounds but I went from a size 12 to a size 6 jeans (which are awfully tight right about now, lol).

I didn't mean to lose weight last year. I just needed to change my diet due to being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The weight loss was a side effect. I'm not complaining.

Anyway, I used Food Combining. This can get pretty complicated, so I won't go into it that deeply. I just used very basic food combinations. It is very simple, but not easy. It goes against the American diet of meat and potatoes.

So.....

Never eat meat and potatoes together in the same meal. In fact never eat any kind of carbohydrate and protein in the same meal. Eat fruits by themselves, always. Make sure they are not cooked fruits or processed fruits. Just fresh fruits and juice before noon. Nothing else before noon, and notbing at all after 8:00pm. The rest of the day you can have carbs and veggies in a meal or protein and veggies in a meal. Just not carbs and protein in the same meal. Avoid dairy as much as possible. Or if you use dairy, consider it protein. It's best to avoid it though.

For example, for brerakfast, have a fruit salad or a banana. Whatever fruit or fruit juice you like. For lunch eat a salad with a beef patty or peice of chicken or fish or even beans. Or if you want carbs and veggies for lunch, I personally LOVE veggie wraps. Soups and salads of course are a good combination, just make sure there's no meat in the soup if you include crackers or noodles. Dinner is with the same rules. Either carbs and veggies or protein and veggies but not both.

If you must have dessert, have it with your carb meal, not your protein meal.

One more rule -- it's okay to combine carbs, like rice and bread, in the same meal, but it's not okay to combine proteins, like beans and franks or cheese and sausage.

This diet goes against the typical American diet, but as we all know, the typical American diet has all of us fat with chronic digestive problems. So going against it is a good thing.

That's the diet in a nutshell. I used the concepts in the book titled "Fit for Life." Sorry, I can't remember the author's name, but you can get it at Amazon.com for (usually) a penny plus shipping. There are tons of recipes in it. I highly recommend the book for the recipes and meal planning alone!

My sister Jody uses this diet when she has an appointment with the beach in Jamaica and needs to drop a few pounds before she packs her bikini.

Then she goes back to her old diet when she comes home.

I like getting requests for blog posts, so if you have a request, send me an email at jayme333@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you!

Prescription for Pain

Just to say hi

Just a note to say hello. Jodie and I had a chance to talk on the phone the other day, and we decided that quality vs quantity is the name of the phone call game. Instead of talking for hours about everything under the sun, we'll be talking for a shorter amount of time about the important things. And really, that's what's been happening with all my firiends, so it's all good. I'm not losing any friendships, just enjoying them in a different way.

I can honestly say that we are now in a routine at the Peer Support and Wellness Center. We've had two overnight guests so far, and our daytime activities are becoming more and more full of newcomers and even some regulars. I never thought this time would arrive, but we are HERE! I have a schedule. I have days off. I can leave the house. I got a scooter this weekend, and my friend Huntley is assembling it for me. He'll come back next Sunday to finish the job and take it for a test ride. It should be fun. I'll shoot videos.

I hope everyone is doing well. Life is good. It really is.

Grand Opening

Here is a short clip of the Peer Support and Wellness Center's Grand Opening. I didn't spend too much time behind the camera, so there's not much footage to work with. The celebration was a huge success, and it far surpassed what any of us imagined. I don't know how many were there during those three hours, but about 80 people signed in.

The Center opened the very next day, so we have been opened three days so far. It was slow at first, but today we had a house full. We'll be having our first overnight guest next weekend. I can't believe how quickly this is taking off. It's as if we've always been here. It feels incredibly familiar. I have never felt such a sense of belonging in my life. My search is over. I really do have a place in this world. I've never been able to say that before.

I don't have the kind of time I used to have, though, and there's a sense of loss there, especially when it comes to my friends. Jodie from MN and I used to have "marathon" phone calls on the weekends, but those are getting few and far between if they exist at all. She knows I love her, though. I hope all my friends know I love them as much as ever. I just can't be there for them like I used to. Oh man, I used to drop everything at a moment's notice if a friend needed to talk. Maybe things will settle into a routine soon. I hope my friends don't forget me.

Don't get me wrong, I really really love my new life. It's just far more time consuming than I ever imagined it would be. That part of this job is probably the only downside. I used to have all the time in the world, plus some. I knew what I was walking into, though, and I'm glad I did. I have no regrets, and I would not trade my life for anything.

I look back on the last two months and I think, wow. I can't believe this just happened. It just happened. How the did this happen?

*twilight zone music*

House Party with Strawberry Jam

In the spirit of Intentional Peer Support training, it's a tradition for everyone to have dinner together one evening of the week. This was our dinner. It was also our first house party at the Peer Support and Wellness Center!

Things are flying over here. Our Grand Opening is this Wednesday, and we are ready! I am hoping to be able to shoot videos during that time, and if I get the chance, I will definitely be posting them here!

I saw Karla yesterday. She is adjusting to motherhood and doing a wonderful job. She loves her little baby so much, you can just tell. It's a beautiful thing. I forgot my video camera, though, and I kicked myself for the whole time! If you are a long time reader of this blog, you may remember a video with Karla's little brother, Alex, where he is yelling violent things that you later find out is his video game. Yesterday he was doing the exact same thing, except he's 3 years older and is playing a Wii! It would have been a wonderful follow-up video. Oh well, use your imagination just like I did.

His father, by the way, was a very good friend of mine. He is the one who got me involved in mental health advocacy back in 1995. He died a few years ago. Alex looks exactly like him.

Sweet Sweet Serenity

Karla's Surprise, Part 2

Fox News - Big Pharma's Lie

Karla's Surprise

Karla stopped by for a visit. I hadn't seen her in a while. Whew! Very interesting surprise. You won't want to miss this video. Meanwhile, an update on the Low Dose Naltrexone. This stuff really works! No more pain at all!!! I feel almost like I did before MS. It's just amazing. I know I will be on this drug for the rest of my life, but it is sooooo worth it. I can't believe how well it works, and I HIGHLY recommend it to all my MS readers. At this point, I can't imagine not taking it. Hopefully this is the last time you'll hear about my MS. I will post if anything changes.

Jennifer Hudson - "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

Best perfermance of the best song EVER!

Well well well... here I am..

Happy New Year everyone! I am sitting here in my new beautiful home. Good god, this is gorgeous. I am totally unpacked with the exception of a few boxes in the storage room, ones I won't need for a while, if ever. The house is totally functional now with food and dishes and clean clothes. Everything I need.

I made it.

Weeks before the move, I would feel a strong sense of dread. It's unsettling to have all your belongings in boxes and be uprooted like that. I am giving myself the standard "three weeks" to fully adjust. I doubt it will take that long, though. I'm truly settling in without too much hassle, if you don't count the incompetent folks at the new AT&T. But we won't go there. Grrrrrrr.....

Moving day was a breeze. I used Mark the Mover, and they came at 8:30 am. We were done by noon. It was a treat to use actual movers! After they left, my sister took me to the Famers Market to get some food for the week. I spent the next few days unpacking.

The birds aren't faring as well, I hate to say. New turf, fresh fights. Their violence is truly getting on my nerves. I've decided to find Rozee a new home before he gets too settled here. It's time. They are never going to get along. It will be sooo sad to let Rozee go, but I know it's the right thing.

*tears*

I put an ad on Craig's List and I have been getting calls all day. I am choosing a woman named Melinda who just melted at the sound of Rozee's cooing over the phone. She'll be coming to get him in the morning.

I'm not going to think about it right now.

Christmas was incredible. I had a channeling session with Jean Tinder. The energy poured through the phone -- yes, through the phone -- and was so powerful and intense, I ended the call much sooner than I had to. Spirit is a powerful force. I was blown away. I hardly remember what she said. I will be getting a recording, which I am really looking forward to. I know we discussed the Peer Wellness Center a lot. I remember asking if it was going to be successful, and she said "It already is. You will simply be walking through its manifestation."

Yesterday we got all our basic furniture for the house (except the office and laundry room). We have furniture for the dining room, living room, and three bedrooms. The bedrooms have their own names and personalities, even with just a bed, dresser, and nightstand. One is The Forest Room, one is the Wellness Room, and the other is The White Room.

Sunday I set up the basement with my spiritual belongings. all the ingredients of a Wellness center. One room is for meditation. It has some yoga mats, books, crystals, and meditation CDs. Another room is for art and music. It has my art table with art supplies and some drums and books about art and music. The third room is the Reading room. It has a rocker with shelves full of some of the most impactful books I have ever read. Neil Donald Walsh, Stephen Covey, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, plus an array of self improvement and healing books. It's a cozy setting. All the shelves throughout the basement have angels and doves on them. I have a feeling the basement will be a popular place.

OH I almost forgot. The Low Dose Naltrexone is working! No kidding! I am feeling closer to pre-MS than I have all year! I cannot believe the difference. If this is a placebo effect, bring on the placebo! This is incredible!

After I finished setting up the basement, it hit me. I am here. I did this. It really happened.

The feeling was overwhelming. In a good way.

Welcome to 2008, the year of new beginnings.

The Christmas of my choosing

This is the first holiday season that I decided to step outside of it all, to celebrate in my own, spontaneous way without the obligations of tradition. My family has honored my wishes, and I made no plans for Christmas. I bought no presents, I sent no Christmas cards, I put up no decorations. The other day, a friend invited me and another friend to her place on Christmas Eve, and I accepted. First we are going to Phoenix and Dragon, a large metaphysical store that I have always wanted to see. Then we are going to her place to do angel readings with angel cards. I have no idea what that means, but my friends know, and it sounds good to me. Then we will eat a wonderful lasagna dinner.

On Christmas Day, I'll be having a channeling session over the phone with Jean Tinder. I had a channeling session with her a few years ago, and I believe I was her very first client. I still have the recording of that session. She has done many sessions since then, and I have been hearing wonderful things about her from our spiritual community. The reason for this channeling is to enlist the support of my angels during this move. I choose their presence in every moment, and I know they are surrounding me right now. Sometimes their presence is so intense that tears stream down my face for no reason at all. The angels are thrilled that I know they are there, and I am using these sessions to communicate with them with words. I need other humans to be their mouthpiece. Of course this is not necessary in order for them to continue to support me, but words are icing on the cake, so to speak!

And that is how I choose to spend this Christmas season!

Not only is this year coming to a close, but life as I know it is coming to a close. This is my last weekend living alone. I have always loved and even insisted on living alone. I've always said that I am too set in my ways to get married. I eat when I want. I come and go as I please. I never make my bed. I answer to no one. Freedom has been very important to me.

I think I have been making up for the lack of freedom I endured during the times I've been locked up in psychiatric hospitals.

But those days are over. I will never be locked up like that again, and I know it. I am going for something new, and it will begin the day after Christmas. That's when the movers are coming to pack up all my stuff, then the next day they will be moving me into the new Peer Support and Wellness Center. And life as I know it will be over.

The year 2007 was the year of 9, which means completion. The Quantum Leap happened on 09/18/2007, which is 9/9/9 in numerology. It was a powerful day. Jodie flew in from MN to spend it with me, and I learned about this new job opportunity right after she left. Everywhere I look, I see people changing their lives in dramatic ways. I have known about that date since 2003 (?) but never really bought into the reality of it until after it came and went. The rest of the world is waiting for December 12, 2012, which is the "official" date of the Quantum Leap -- or the end of the world or whatever you believe about these times. So, yes, that is a legitimate date as well, and I will be observing it simply because there is much power in mass consciousness, and that alone gives power to that date.

Now that the year of completion is over, what is 2008? It is the year of ONE, beginning on January 1, 2008. The other 1/1/1 days are January 10, 19, and 28, then October 1, 10, 19, and 28. This is the year of new beginnings. It is a year of forward movement, of stepping into new realities, new lives, new dimensions. I can totally see it already. And the newness for me begins this Thursday. I will say goodbye to the nicest apartment I've ever lived in and hello to the nicest house I've ever lived in.

I am so grateful to be alive. As ama would say, "It's the bomb."

The next time you hear from me I have already stepped into my new life. See you on the flip side!

I want to leave you with an earlier post from a year ago: Expect a Miracle in 2007

7 year old sings National Anthem - Anthony Gargiula

Couldn't resist posting this. Thanks, Jodie!

St. Petersburg Times Reports on Zyprexa

Hannity's America with Doug Kennedy on Antidepressants

Trying Something New

I don't write much about MS because I choose to stay in denial about it. But the truth is, this last year has shown me that I really do have MS in spite of everything I do to slow its progression. The things I do are daily exercise (ideally), avoiding all processed foods (ideally), and taking supplements (ideally). Okay so I don't stick to everything 100% of the time, and I do cheat with lazy days and junk food, but for the most part I do pretty well.

I talk to people with MS who walk with canes and have a hard time speaking and seeing, and I see that I am incredibly lucky. I know that each person with MS is different when it comes to the progression of the disease, and I am very grateful that mine hasn't gotten as bad as it could get. Multiple Sclerosis is what it is, and it will progress no matter what method of treatment you use. I have a milder form of MS, so I believe I have more room to try different ways of treating it. Many say I am gambling with my health by refusing the medical treatments available today, but for me, it feels like more of a gamble to use treatments which only serve to weaken the immune system. MS is an autoimmune disorder, and it just makes logical sense to me to have a healthy immune system. So that's the approach I am taking. If it's a gamble, at least I feel well while gambling. I rarely get sick, in other words, and when I do I can usually fight it off without medical treatment. Not always, but usually.

With that being said, this year I have noticed more ongoing MS symptoms than I had before. My legs are often full of pain and stiffness, they go to sleep easily, and I am unable to walk as freely as I used to. Running is out of the question, although I can still trot! I am not at a point of using a cane, but I can easily see that coming. I can't walk down steps without hanging on for dear life. The house I am moving into (the Peer Wellness Center) is loaded with stairs, 4 flights total, so this has been a concern of mine.

When I first learned I had MS, I joined all kinds of online groups of people who have MS and I learned a lot from them. One group was called "Low Dose Naltrexone" (LDN), and they all decided to use LDN as their treatment approach. The anecdotal evidence was so compelling that I decided that if my MS ever got to the point that I really needed something else besides my current "Best Bet Diet" approach, that LDN was what I would try.

Naltrexone is an old drug prescribed 30 years ago to heroin addicts to block the brain's opiate receptors so that users couldn't get high. Needless to say, the heroin users didn't like it, so the drug became obsolete.

My therapist (who I don't see anymore) told me that Naltrexone could be used in people who self-injure so that they would HAVE to feel the pain in all its intensity, thus stopping them from self-injuring.

I thought, okay, another controlling torture drug. Chilling.

Anyway, not to get too off base here, Naltrexone was taken back then at 50 mg. It works much differently at lower dosages, one doctor discovered. He used it on his patients with AIDS. To learn more details than I can possibly write here, visit the Low Dose Naltrexone Homepage.

In a nutshell, your body produces natural endorphins at night while you are sleeping, and Naltrexone, taken at lower dosages (3 to 4.5 mgs), stops this process just enough for the body to decide it needs to release more natural endorphins to make up for the lack of them caused by the Naltrexone. More endorphins means stronger immune responses, which is something I didn't know before. This is why it works for many autoimmune disorders, and the BEST anecdotal evidence comes from people with MS.

This doctor has done some scientific studies as well, as the findings are always favorable. More studies need to be done, but because the drug companies would not profit in any way by bringing back this old, inexpensive drug, they aren't about to fund any studies. Instead they will continue to invest in keeping the current treatments for MS and other autoimmune disorders alive and prosperous (for them).

The doctors I have talked to about prescribing LDN are not aware of it enough to feel comfortable prescribing it. In other words, they don't have drug reps banging on their doors with abundant supplies of samples :grin:

So I am on my own for now in getting it. Without a prescription, however, along with a compounding pharmacy, I have to buy the pills from a Canadian pharmacy that doesn't require a prescription, and I can only get them in 50mg tablets.

And so I did. After playing mail tag with the post office for 2 weeks, I finally got the package yesterday.

I filled up a 50ml container with distilled water, dissolved the 50mg Naltrexone tablet in the water, then used a medicine dropper to take 3ml of the water. This dosage is equal to 3mg of Naltrexone. I can go up to 4.5 mg, but I am starting at 3 mg for now. If it works I will stay at that dosage. If it doesn't I will go up to 4.5mg. The LDN effect doesn't work if you take 5mg or above.

Last night was my first dosage. I am writing about it here so that anyone with MS can know once and for all if this is a viable option or not. We will learn together :o). It is supposed to be effective within 5 days of the first dose, but I swear I felt a difference this morning. I was able to climb down the stairs to the fitness room without hanging on to the rail! It may be a placebo effect, but the objective is to see improvement, which I did even if it was all in my head.

I will keep you posted.

Week in New England

Click To Play

The trip was great! We left Monday night, just as New England was getting its first snowfall of the year. Of course I assumed our flight would be delayed or canceled, and I was ready. It was delayed about 20 minutes so they could add more fuel in case we had to land at JFK. But we landed in Maine as planned. The view outside as we were landing was incredible. Beyond words. We don't get snow in Georgia very often, and when we do it's minimal. So seeing all the snow was a real treat. I loved every minute of it!

When we landed safely, all the passengers spontaneously applauded.

We stayed at a bare-bones hotel that said they would leave our keys taped to the office door when we came in, and we could register in the morning. This was a very small town, obviously. They had a diner down the block that had the BEST food. They were on the Today Show because of their Lobster Rolls, so of course I had to order the Lobster Rolls. They were delicious!

So the next morning we got up early and drove to the respite center in Maine. They were so hospitable to us and devoted all their time to showing us around and answering all our questions. We were there the whole day. They believe in mutual peer support, which means there is no helper and no helpee. There is no "sick" one and no "well" one. Many of the paid staff also use the respite beds at some point. They didn't have rules (except a few necessary ones like no drugs or sexual activity in the center), and their policies were scarce as well. They emphasized open dialogue, honesty, relationship, and community. If there's a problem, it is addressed by all people involved, and everyone is heard. Negotiations occur. Rules are unnecessary.

I was impressed with their philosophy, and it was in alignment with Shery Mead's training.

Speaking of Shery Mead, we met with her and Chris Hanson after touring our second respite center in New Hampshire on Thursday. She showed us their training schedule for when they come to Georgia in January to train our new staff. I REALLY like Shery and Chris! They are like-minded souls. They get it. We are incredibly lucky to have them help kick-start our center!

We're naming it The Peer Wellness Center for now. That may or may not change.

I am really getting a handle on what it is we are doing, and it is simply groundbreaking. I saw that through this trip. It's freaking me out how HUGE this is, and how supported we really are by our peers in New England who are already doing this. I see the big picture. This is the next natural step in mental health alternatives. I can easily see these respite centers popping up all over the world.

While we were there, I heard that Soteria House has opened in Alaska. Soteria was the first ever respite center. They lost their funding and shut down, which is what happens to respite centers. But Soteria House is the most famous and most ground breaking -- and now they are in operation again! This is excellent news!

Hmmmm, I wonder if I'll ever see the snow in Alaska....

The video is an array of short snow scenes I took while driving.

It's not about me anymore...

Everyone keeps asking me how my job at the Peer Support and Respite Center is going, so I thought I'd write a post to catch y'all up.

I haven't moved into that beautiful, big house yet, but I will soon. We just now got the utilities turned on. Furniture buying comes next. It's a lot of space to furnish, so it will probably take some time!

Tomorrow I will be going to New England to tour Respite Centers up there. As far as I know there are only three that exist. These places are scarce around the country. I'm going to find out why they are scarce and what works and what doesn't work. I'm going to learn everything I can during this trip. We'll be there all week (I'm traveling with two others), and from what I am hearing, New England will be getting its first big snowfall tomorrow night, right as we are landing. Yikes! I bought my first pair of snow shoes. Yes, my first. LOL! Who needs snow shoes in Georgia? So this will be an adventure. I have a laptop, so I will (hopefully) be able to keep up with my online life. I also have a new cell phone! This also is a first for me.

Next week we will be holding interviews for the job positions at the Respite Center. Then we will all begin training with Shery Mead. If you don't know who Shery Mead is, go to mentalhealthpeers.com As far as I know she is the only expert in the country on Peer Respite Centers.

On a personal level, I am still in awe at this opportunity I've been given. I am past the shock phase and onto the the deep appreciation phase. I doubt that will end anytime soon. It just keeps growing with every step we take toward opening the Center.

I have never been so committed to anything in my life. It's really showing me what I am made of. It's showing me that there is far more to life than the box I'd been living in. It's showing me that I truly love people and I can work with people. It's showing me that I am competent. I am not perfect, but I am good enough just as I am. I don't have to change who I am at all. I do, however, have to change the paradigm I've been living under for many years.

My life has always been about me me me. I'm not saying I've been heartless or inconsiderate -- quite the opposite -- but my giving has always been on MY terms. I am learning it's not about me anymore. It's about community. It's about relationship. It's about interdependence.

Up till now, it has never been about those things for me. I have been isolated and protected. I have been around people several times a month, but the people I have been around are the same few. My life has been predictable and stable and without too many surprises. I have been in control. God forbid that someone else has control. But this is not about control or ego or petty crap. This is about cooperation and community and building relationships. I never knew I could do this, but I can, and I like it. Yes, it is fulfilling!

Even though the Respite Center has not opened its doors yet, many doors are opening for me. I never knew they existed in the first place.

It's not about me anymore. It's about us.

In other news, my friend, Beth has moved to Kansas. If you watch my videos, you know Beth. I miss her terribly already. We are still in touch by phone and email (thank god) but it is so sad to know she is not coming over this Saturday to go film some videos or go thrift-store shopping or go out to dinner. It just breaks my heart that she is gone. But she and I both know that change is the name of the game now. She got a great new job in Kansas, still working with peers and training them just like she did here. They truly need her expertise and wisdom in Kansas. I used to live in Kansas, in fact, I spent a year at Topeka State Hospital in 1984. Beth and I tend to lead synchronistic lives. We both got interviews in the same week, we got our job offers within hours of each other, and we are both relocating to houses with a 444 address. We are both shifting paradigms, too.

It was Beth who took me to view the 444 house to see if it was a good place for the new Respite Center.

It was.